The Kite runner - some thoughts.

I read "The Kite Runner" today. How did I like it? It is something you cannot dislike. It rings like reality.

Yesterday someone was asking why I prefer fictions to non-fictions. She asked if it is fantasy that I look for, do i try to run away from reality. To tell the truth, I was caught off-guard. It actually is a truth. Books always give me a way to move around in a different world. But I didnt see it as 'running away' atleast not until she said so. It was something I didnt want to agree to. I'd rather have agreed if she had used the word 'escape' and not 'run-away'. I replied that its not fantasy of the fiction that fascinates me, its the creativity of the author, the ability to create characters, world, situations in his book. Yet when I read "The Kite Maker", I felt it ring like reality, no make-believe world there and that fascinated me more.

It is a sad story. So I was told. So I found. But actually it is much more than just a sad story.

Here are aome thoughts that I found in the book.

And that's the thing about people who mean everything they say. They think everyone else does too. [Page - 48]

It is difficult to know which is harder, to think everyone means what they say or to think nobody means what they say. To decide who means and who does not is probably the hardest. Yet this should be the way. Isn't it? How do these people react when they discover the superficial world around them? Do they break down or do they too get drowned. Is it possible to live genuinely when everything around you is superficial? For Hassan it was. He moved away, or rather was moved away, far way and finally farther away. But what happens when moving away is not one of the options? Or may be such people don't exist, are not let to exist.

Quiet is peace. Tranquility. Quiet is turning down the VOLUME knob on life.
Silence is pushing the OFF button. Shutting it down. All of it. [Page - 315]

This gives a new perspective to "silence". I never thought it this way. I may have been wrong. We do sometimes shut down our windows. Pull their shutters down. In some way or the other everyone does that till we need that sunlight again, till we want to feel the wind again. But not forever, not forever. Yet do you think it can happen that we just forget that shutters can be up again?

Running after butterflies

When I started blogging, I didnt intend it to be my online journal - the ones that say 'i went to office today, we had a lot of work... etc'. I wanted it to be the window that would connect my thoughts to outside world. I wanted to catch the momentarily fleeting thoughts and pen them down here. May be that precisely is the reason why my post count has dwindled over time. It will be wrong to say that thoughts don't fleet anymore. They do but I just don't get to pen them down.

It is something like, you see the colourful butterflies, you smile but you don't run after them like you used to. It has nothing to do with the absence of butterflies, nothing to do with your growing up, nothing to do with your not being able to catch them - because catching was never the fun, it was always the running after them- yet today you just don't run after them.

Why do you think, we stopped running after them? Was it that we realised the futility of it? Or is it that we forgot to have fun or may be we just changed our ways to have fun. Then again, what actually is 'funny'. So often I find the distinction between humour and sarcasm blurring. I realise laughing is not an indeliberate effect anymore but actually a deliberate action. We laugh because we are supposed to. We smile for the same reason.

I wandered away (as usual). I was talking about blogs. Sometimes I wonder there are so many blogs in this blogsworld that have been abandoned, lost, left unfinished, forgotten, ... dead. Its all like phases you know, we get crazy about something for sometime. One month, two at most then forgotten. Then I look at my blog and think how often did I come close to abandoning it. Yet what is it that brings me back again to run after the butterflies!

May be its not futile after all.

'Transit'

Most of the time, like most of the people, I find 'transit' periods awfully boring. Waiting for the results of an important exam (ask the 2007 CAT-takers :D), the duration between getting a job and leaving the college, the duration when you wait for your interview, the time when your preparation is mostly done and the examination seems to arrive too slowly, the time when train/flight gets late, the time when your work is done but you still have to wait in the office because its just too early to leave, traffic signals, long queues (for the movie, in the stores, bill payment, mess, etc), and many more.

Yet to think that the trip to home this Diwali had longer transit duration than the journey duration! The 'to' had a transit duration of 6 hours and the 'fro' had 9 hrs that makes a total of 15 hrs while total flight duration was at most 10 hrs. Both of these transit periods were spent in the Mumbai Airport. In the 6 hrs one, I had company so it was not at all irksome. But the 9 hrs were spent alone (mostly). The question however is 'was it then really tiresome?'. Well, not really.

I reached Mumbai at 9.30pm. Went on to the departure lounge and waited. For company I had phone, book and fm. Not bad. Once in a while some airport officer would come and ask if I was fine , tell me where I could find snacks/tea/coffee. The couple next to me had their flight at 5.30am. They left early but while they were there we had small chats about how bad the waiting lounge was, that Mumbai airport should have some kind of waiting room, and that it actually used to have. Other than this I was continuosly talking on phone (having arguments actually) during the early hours when it wasnt time to go to sleep for them. For the rest of the time I was busy probing into Orhan Pamuk's "My name is Red" and listening to the songs played on fm. (This finally discharged my cell and I had to stand and get it charged --> this too took some time :D)

Before long it was already time to get up and get going.
I didn't feel the passage of time. May be I didn't take it as a transit but rather as a part of the journey. Sitting there while I was observing the surroundings I thought it is stupid to think that our life stops during transits. Why, there was motion everywhere even in the 'waiting' of passengers, their loitering, reading, talking, and even dozing off.

New Look again!

What a mess that was!!! How did you ppl even manage to visit it??? :D



Well after lot of experiments I settled at this particular template. The colour is not what I generally choose but the theme still is from my favorites.



A few days back, I deleted all my poems and there from my blogs. Some of you might have noticed. Did you wonder why? If you are, by any chance, curious, then your answer lies in this particular link: http://sanjumomentum.blogspot.com/

Have a look. Looks familiar? Familiar picture? Familiar entries? Some of you might be actually reading this not on my blog but on the blog mentioned above.
I came across this blog on 19th Sept 2007, it was after this that I went away on hiatus but I guess now I am back for good.

There is soooooooo much to write and sooooooooooooo less time. :(
I will take some days to make up for the gap.

But c you soon.

This post can be treated as 'old'. The link given above does not have much relevance anymore. Not deleting or editing it but keeping it as a memento. [Edited by Anki on 24/12/2007]

On a brief note.

I dont know if any of you remember my post "Reality or rainbow??!! " (Check the link in case you don't).

Anyways I came across this article today "Your world is in your brain" (Read for yourself!)
See I always told you so :D

(Pretty pressed for time now, hence no updates. wait till Oct. or better still till Nov.)

-@nk!

What have I been doing!

It has been a long time since I wrote anything except the last blog entry. So today when I found some ample time, I wondered 'what have I been doing all these days!'
To start with, end of college suddenly shook up a well settled (although not routined) life.( As indicated in the last post) The next phase is taking some time to get settled but still, I had been busy.

Work - A new place of learning. Mostly learning now not much of performing. This is what takes at least 40 hours of my week.

Books - I have been reading a good lot of books. I finished the following:

The Inheritance of Loss - Kiran Desai
The Godfather - Mario Puzo
Eleven Minutes - Paulo Coelho
The Broker - John Grisham
Shalimar the Clown - Salman Rushdie
Sleeping Murder - Agatha Christie

At present I am on:
4.50 From Paddington - Agatha Christie

Books on the rack:
God Knows - Joseph Heller
Zahir - Paulo Coelho

Other than these I have been busy with knowing and getting used to with the new place.
Inspite of all these, I do miss writing. I miss writng my impressions (book reviews) and my expressions I miss the absolute leisurely time when I could let my thoughts just wander away and then capture the thougts. I miss those times when I didnt have write hurriedly while using the computer and when it wasn't a tool of work but a tool of leisure. :)

And with these miss-all-s, comes things I enjoy. I enjoy the idea of questioning and learning. I enjoy the last two days of week which takes my mind off my work. I enjoy the sense of freedom and responsibility. I enjoy being able to responsible for things around me. And for a change I am enjoying growing up.

So, what have you been doing?

Life - A river

I dont know why but somehow, I always end up comparing Life with a river. The river continues to flow at its pace in a similar way as life does. Time never allows one to reach the same water in the same place more than once. So is life. It therefore becomes necesarry that one approaches life at right time. What is the right time, that ofcourse depends so much on the person and the reason for one's approach.
This was the dynamic aspect, the movement, the flow. Then there is the constancy. You might wonder, how can a river be constant. I too used to. But imagine going to a particular spot near a river everyday. Do you see any change? The water still flows just the way it did the day before. Its not the same drop of water but it still is the same water. May be after a long long time, there will be changes. The river will be wider, deeper but it still will be the same river. Its only when you see the flow, you realise that time does not allow you to see the exact same water more than once, but if you see the river, it is same. Isnt it? Is that not constancy? And does the same thing not happen with every person?
There ofcourse other similarities that I keep finding. For example all of sudden with the arrival of a rift or cliff, the course of the river changes drastically. Life too encounters such sudden changes. Actually, let me be true, it is this particular aspect because of which i am writing this entry today. Just two months ago, life was so different, and one particular day of last month changed it completely. The 4th of June. If I look back now, it seems all that followed after that, had been waiting for that day to arrive. Life had reached a stand-still before that and as soon it arrived, everything else came almost like an avalanche. This whole thing reminded me of a waterfall. The forceful yet a beautiful way in which a river meets a change.

Life is so much like a river!!!

My first post after job and from office.

Lessons

This particular write-up was written months back. But I found it true even today.

People change, and I watch. The drastic changes that catch the notice of everyone and the slow ones which sometimes I observe. Over the period of time, so many things have changed. It makes me shiver, to think how drastically and to what extent, ppl can change. Did I too?? I don't want to know the answer, because probably today, I am standing in a position where both the answer scares me. The "no" tells me about my rigidity, my inability to adapt, to accept and the "yes" frightens me to think what is it that I have become today. I am surprised at the suggestions given by ppl. Its funny not because someone is telling me to be "selfish" but because it comes from a person who as far as I know, never knew the meaning of it, never knew that people are selfish that there are things that we never think. The first glimpse of this change in this particualr person, had shocked me so much that I had thought, probably I was wrong in my judgement, but today when the change can be clearly percieved by me, I sense how wrong I have been, it was the first step towards the transformation, to which I was the only spectator and that person, the only victim. I am still standing where I was then with some views changed and many things learned.

1. If I listen to or help someone, it doesn’t guarantee I will be treated the same way but then just because nobody will listen to me when I need doesn’t mean I will do the same thing.

2. Not all think the way I do, and there will always be some whom I will never understand. I should not waste my time for them.

3. There will always be at least one person, who will understand a part of my feelings.

4. Its good to know people disagree, to know that I am "different".

5. If I believe that for every smile I get, a drop of tear is stored for me, it means for every tear I drop, there is/was a smile somewhere. I will wait for the smile, it is sure to come.

6. Surprises are the best thing of life, so I should never expect anything.

7. Life comes in small packets of happiness - like dancing in the rain, nibbling "bhutta", going for a movie and not watching it, writing/reading blogs, laughing, writing poems, reading books, praising someone, praying for somebody else, listening to somebody telling I am good... and wondering whether to believe or not, re-reading mails, re-living moments, getting a surprise, giving a surprise, and so on... I will always enjoy them!!!

8. Believe that I can do most of the things alone and for those that I cannot, there will be someone waiting to help me there.

9. Help comes from the most unexpected people. I am thankful to them.

10. How good friends you become, how close... there are certain things that are not for me and not for you.

11. Everybody is selfish... I should learn to accept this.

12. I am not perfect but I love the way I am.

13. "Now" is the greatest gift...I will use it, not misuse it.

14. There will be at least one person other than me who will love me the way I am.

15. Some things are not forever, so I will enjoy them while they are there.

16. It’s okay to think that the world is not good, but I will look up at the sky and see the stars. Once in a while one of them appears in my life.

17. It is no use running away; the more I run from something, the more it will follow. (Applies to problems as well as dogs).

18. Before convincing others, I should convince myself.

19. It is no use saying something that I do not believe in.

20. It is always easier to justify myself than to justify others. Sometimes it’s worth trying things that are not easy.

21. It is always easy to ask than to answer. If there is something I will not prefer to answer, it is better I do not ask.

22. It is easy to say, "just like that" and "some things don't have reasons" but I will learn to be true to myself at least... it is not always possible to be true to everybody.

23. If I am doing something because I expect something in return, it’s not worth it.

For all those who have found something to disagree, refer the statement number 4 again. :D

-Anki!!!

To be, or not to be

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action. - Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remember'd.

- William Shakespeare
 (from Hamlet 3/1)

BTP Analysis

Let me first of all clarify to the readers that the above title is read as "BTP A-null-(th)esis".

For the advantage of all non engineering readers BTP as understood or made understood by any technological institute is expanded as "B.Tech Project". As you all know, B.Tech is the degree for which we toil and survive the 4 years assigned to the course. BTP, however, expanded by technological students would conform to any of the following terms but the one given before :

Badly Timed Project

Breath Taking Project

Brain Twisting Project

Bulk Torture Project

Boring Technology Project

Big Tragedy Project

Bravely Tackled Project
Bas Topic Project

Or some people tend to devise less complicated and non-technological terms to comply to the acronym (courtesy: F&S)

The initiation of BTP occurs with the allotment of the topic which may take place any day from the first week of the semester to the day before the report submission depending on the flexibility of your department, (mis)guide and/or your typing speed. But of course I cannot overlook the presence of your conscience. This leads the inevitable mention of some ELITE (Erroneously Lost In Technology and Engineering) students who comply to the university definition of the acronym and actually work for it. My post assumes their non-existence.

The main work of BTP is the preparation of a flawless, acceptable report. This report can be broaly divided into two types:

1. which has been explored by you so well that you can easily baffle the proffesors giving them a false impression of your knowledge, interest and efforts.
2. which is neither understood by you nor the proffesors such that they prefer not to enter the untried domain.

The first type requires some research of the topic (as in surfing, netting, mostly books are considerd orthodox and seldom used) and if possible a know-how/what/why of the proffesor(s) to make sure that you can baffle him(them). This type thus requires a little more effort than just the report writing in addition to convincing evidence to prove your attempt and success.

The second type with the advancement of technolgy (as in free-flowing internat) is more easily accesible. It is ready-made, requires less efforts and is more or less hassle free. The only thing to be made sure of is that it comforms to the type mentioned above i.e an untried domain at least to the proffesor(s).

Once the report is made and submitted, the more dreaded moment arrives - the BTP Viva(or presentation). There however is also a good part about it, that being the end of viva more or less marks the termination of the B.Tech struggles.

The viva involves your explaining to the panel:

• the importance of your project- this is the easiest part (thanks to the technological advancements)
• the work you attempted - this is often confusing. Your (mis)guide can help you with this or you can always turn to the omniscient (internet).
• and the reasons for your inability to complete it - this is the hardest part since you can neither blame it on the department nor youself. If you can find a way through in this part, trust me, your BTP is complete. The most common way through this is to confidently deny that its left incomplete or to simply disregard the part of completion and talk about future scopes in the project.

While dealing with BTP, the important mantra to remember is "If you can't convince them, confuse them".

If you are through with this all, my heartiest congrtatulations to you. Now you can sit back, look back and have a hearty laugh.

This write-up is dedicated to my seniors who have taught me the importance (or rather unimportance) of BTP, the anecdotes of their BTP, their runnning/hiding away from guides, their coffee breaks, the F&S team, their thorough research on the term BTP, my friends whom I have seen struggling (or rather not struggling) for their BTP, their evidences and efforts and lastly all engineering students who have a similar story to tell.

[Diclaimer: This post has no intention of making fun of any institution, any of its ongoing tradition, or the ELITE students of the institution and is based on first hand experience, observation and second hand confessions]

Enjoi!

-Anki.

Re-view

This post comes a bit earlier than expected. Actually I wanted to postpone it till my semester exams but then I coudnt resist the idea to write it now itself. Two months isn't too much a long time but still some of the ideas given below might just change in the coming tima-span of 2 months.
The opinions stated below have taken more or less 4 years to develop and are applicable only to my stay here for the last 4 years.

Five things I regret:

1) My fuchha skit (at least my part) was such a disaster that I couldnt gather the courage to face the audience one more time. Not just for theatre but song, dance and even Lit activities. I really regret it.

2) Four years but I haven't yet seen sunrise in the ghats. Two of my attempts have failed miserably because the sun decided to betray me. (I hope to take care of this one in the remaining days)

3) I couldn't have the pleasure of riding a tonga yet although I had this wish from the 1st yr itself.

4) There are about 4 sites of waterfall nearby. I could visit just one.

5) Now this one is on the academic part - I could not maintain the minimum grade that I wanted to or rather could have.

[That I could never take part in Mirage would have been one of my foremost regrets, had this year's Mirage not disappointed me]

Five most memorable times:

1) My first year. The times in the class as well as outside it. Quite unlike others, that was the time when I was seldom home-sick.

2) The National youth fest that took place in our University. I was in the organising team and had a festive time during all the days.

3) The industrial tour. I hadnt at all expected it to be so much enjoyable and memorable. A heartfelt thanks to some of my classmates.

4) The surprise party on my birthday last year. It fills me with all smiles with just its mention.

5) The final debate competetion this KY. I haven't had even half the fun I had in any other event where I have ever participated. Thanks to Sarda for forcing me into this.

Five memory-laden places:

1) VT. From the 1st year initial days to even now... some memorable moments were spent here.

2) Orchids. Some very enjoyable lunches/dinners with different group of people.

3) SB. Other than being the site for the KY events(including the disc), this place is memorable for the NYF activities - the dinner and the disc. Then it is the place that we (me and Anu) frequently reach while taking the walks between the classes.

4) My department. May be ruins but still the memory cannot be denied.

5) Last but the heaviest - My hostel (obviously) and my room especially.

Five group of people I cannot forget:

1) My roomie. This group has just 1 member. Shilpi.

2) My first year group. 5 members. Anu, Shubhi, Priya, Richa, Shilps

3) The NYF group. A lot of people, Most important being - Kapil Bh, Rajat, Vibhav Bh and Madhur Bh. Others include some 'pyare' juniors. :)

4) Among my hostelmates - Smiti, Gargi, Megha,... Jrs such as Arpi, Cherry,... some Srs such as Ritu... and the Mtech Srs with whom I shared the lobby for 6 months.

5) And ofcourse how can I forget some of my classmates with whom I have enjoyed the tour, the trip to falls, the KY disc, and not to mention the classes. :)

Five achievements here:

(Now this is relative. Some of the things mentioned below might not look like any achievment to you.)

1) My dream job.

2) My participating in Vitasta last year.

3) The beginning of my blogging.

4) My poetry writing reached a state of liberation and spontaenity here.

5) My befriending some really good friends. :) (and this is not exaggeration)

Thank you for your patience.
Happy Holi to all of you.

Words are all I have...

Indeed, one philologist goes as far as to theorize that language must have been invented for the sole purpose of deception.

- Word Power Made Easy
p146

How does it sound to you considering that language is the only way of communication we have? Atleast I know no other way.


I came across this statement sometimes in the summer of 2005 and since then it has been safely stored somewhere in my mind. At some very trivial or important moments, the line just rings in my ears. At the very first instance, the idea was vehemently rejected by my mind. But then, although it took some time to sink in, it finally did. Even if it were not invented for the sole purpose of deception, it really does the work well. It hurts to think in this way probably because words, the builing blocks of language, are so important for me. My greatest interests are all dependent on words.


But then, I can't much help it. Its only words and words are all I have... to make you believe, believe or even to decieve. And none of us much has a choice other than 'words'. May be that is where 'instinct' comes to play.

Confessions...

I would rather have titled this as "Confessions of a self-proclaimed poet" but then I realised that, that would be somewhat exaggerated on my part because it is no denying the fact that there are indeed many who agree with me i.e my calling myself a poet.

Ever since I realised that I could note down my thoughts in rhyme and rhythm, I have prided in calling myself 'a poet'. It hasnt mattered whether I or my poems (as I would call them) have ever complied to the definitions or not and that was because of two reasons - 1. I didnt know them and 2. I didnt want to know.

Poets as I have been made to think or believe is that they are very sentimental, compassionate, emotional people. As I think it over today (I seem to have found ample time for that), I find myself awfully confused. May be it was this belief that in the first place led me to this domain. With time I developed the knack of expressing (complex) emotions in my poems. They say every poet needs some experience, some inspiration. What were mine I dont know. For, unlike the popular way, I didnt turn into a poet after I was love-struck or had a heartbreak or passed through a sea of sorrow. My life has been a very smooth sailing (ofcourse if you do not consider the change of places). As a result, I had to depend solely on others or my imaginations for my inspirations. I learnt to imagine and create hypothetical situations so that I could write. The result was good.

The only compliment that I seek for my poems is their identification with the reader. If even a single line reminds the reader of some lost memory, pain, happiness or any emotion, then I will consider my writing has not gone in vain. Strange, because quite a few times, I myself don't find that identification with my own poem. However in many cases I do. Or atleast I believe I do. For once I have poured out my thoughts into the form of a poem, it becomes difficult for me to go and retrace the feeling that instigated it. Was that emotion hypothetical or real is something I would rather not admit. The realization that the emotion was foreign makes me guilty that I could play so well with sentiments that they converge into merely a bunch of words and the thought that it was mine own makes me blush that I could express it so. I, thus try neither.

That, my creations can make someone cry, laugh, smile or even stir any other minute feeling in somebody is in itself such a prized feeling that all other feelings even the one that made me write it seems so very small. Finally after writing it down, what remains is the pride that I had something that I created myself and that it had the ability to make someone feel. Rest all vanishes. It would thus seem that my diary serves as a sink where I drown all those sentiments which I would rather never admit to or which never belonged to me. The most demanding part comes when the poem stirs a feeling among the reader which I find so difficult to recognise within myself although I agree with them whole-heartedly. It probably is what they call 'detachment' or 'the third person perspective'.

That does make me quite insensitive and unemotional (ugghhh!!!! that doesnt sound very nice) and yet a poet. The paradox is that if I stopped being a poet, I would become both sensitive and emotional because then, I would lose my 'sink' and if I were not sensitive and emotional, how could I be a poet! However it becomes difficult for me to feel and write at the same moment. But then, if I never feel, how can I write even if it were a totally hypothetical feeling!

Now thats what the whole confusion and confession is about.

A few from the collections...

I had been reading Vikram Seth's collected poems recently. Although I admit this is my first encounter with his writings I did like going through some of his works. In this post, I am mentioning some of his octates and quatrains. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I do. By the way, this is certainly not exhaustive list, there are some more, but i will try and keep my post shorter. :)

GOD'S LOVE

God loves us all, I'm pleased to say -
Or those who love him anyway -
Or those who love him and are good.
Or so they say. Or so he should.

CONDITION

I have to speak - I must - I should - I ought...
I'd tell you how much I love you if I thought
The world would end tomorrow afternoon.
But short of that... well, it might be too soon.

INTERPRETATION

Somewhere within your loving look I sense,
Without least intention to deceive,
Without suspicion, without evidence,
Somewhere within your heart the heart to leave.

PASSAGE

Your eyes, my understanding, all will rot;
The trees we see, the books we read, will go;
The way that we use words, as like as not,
And we are fortunate that this is so.

VOICES

Voices in my head,
Chanting, 'Kisses. Bread.
Prove yourself. Fight. Shove.
Learn. Earn. Look for love,'

Drown a leser voice.
Silent now of choice;
'Breathe in peace, and be
Still, for once, like me.'

ALL YOU WHO SLEEP TONIGHT

All you who sleep tonight
Far from the onces you love,
No habd to left or right,
And emptiness above -

Know that you aren't alone.
The whole world shares your tears,
Some for two nights or one,
And some for all their years.

LAST NIGHT
(Translated from the urdu of Faiz Ahmed Faiz)

Last night your faded memory came to me
As in the wilderness spring comes quietly,
As, slowly, in the deser moves the breeze,
As, to a sick men, without cause, comes peace.

DISTRESSFUL HOMONYMS

Since for me now you have no warmth to spare
I sense I must adopt a sane and spare

Philosophy to ease a restless state
Fuelled by this uncaring. It will state

A very meagre truth: love, like the rest
Of our emotions, sometimes needs a rest.

Happiness, too, no doubt; and so, why even
Hope that the course of true love' could run even?

(Notice the rhyming words above!!!)

PROTOCOLS

What can I say to you? How can I now retract
All that that fool, my voice has spoken -
Now that the facts are plain, the placid surface cracked,
The protocols of friendship broken?

I cannot walk by day as now I walk by dawn
Past the still house where you lie sleeping
May the sun burn away these footprints on the lawn
And hold you in its warmth and keeping.

ACROSS

Across the miles I wish you well.
May nothing haunt your heart but sleep.
May you not sense what I don't tell
may you not dream, or doubt, or weep.

May what my pen this peaceless day
Writes on this page not reach your view
Till its deferred print lets you say
It speaks to someone else than you.


Each of them is complete in itself. I couldn't finding anything to add or comment. Just read and think it over. :)

Some more seashells

I never thought, when I will open my closed fist to see the shells that I treasured so much, I will find nothing but trifles from my childhood. [refer my post Seashells]

And I never thought that one day I would be still taking pleasure in collecting those trifles just as I did some 10 years back. Yes, thats what I did today. May be they never were trifles and never will be, not for me.

My treasure :)

So here I was, on the other side of the river Ganges with Shilpi, Arpita, Cherry and sands all round. For a moment my whole being was transferred to the beaches of my childhood. But I soon managed to come back to cherish the present with as much pleasure as I had then. It was not just the sand or the shells, there was so much more. The pony-ride for example in which Cherry continuosly coaxed and cajoled the pony to run but he was just too indifferent to her wishes and took a very relaxed stroll. Or my race with cherry which always stopped halfway because Cherry would say "Anki, nahi main yahan nahi daud sakti" and then she would reach me and start running again indicating the race has started again. Or the just sitting on the sand and laughing or talking absolute nonsense. Or the boat ride. In short we just had fun.

In the end weall had a shell to remind us of today. The white one you can see on the top the heap in my hand is Cherry's and is being mentioned here specially on her request.

:)

Its not time...

"Its not time that is passing by, its you and I..."

This line has been taken from one of the short stories of Ruskin Bond. (It so happened that I had the chance to find a penguin publication that includes "all" his short stories and novellas and thats what is keeping me busy these days :D... Well, there are some others to give it company as well)

An apt line for the time when I am writing. Not only because the year has just turned "new" but because we did pass by the tenure that takes to make a engg. graduate out of us. I know I am late and had been so careless to have ignored the new year in my blog for 2 whole weeks. So first of all, a very happy new year to all my readers who had the patience to cope with my irregular pace as well as random posts :).

It is difficult to tell what caused the delay. Did this new year pass away so quickly that I had no time to stop and contemplate? If this was the case then I should stop and think what is that had kept me so busy and yet I cannot even remember it! Or the other reason may well be that somewhere in my unconscious, I did not want to mould my blogging into a routine, however vaguely defined.

So coming back to this year, whats special this year. Well, for me, this year holds an end and a beginning. For all those who might be thinking that the rest of this post may consist of some "senti" stuff on my last three years here then I would suggest you come back to reality at once. Because after some long and thorough self-analysis, I have concluded that I have not been bestowed with the intrinsic characteristics required for getting attached to a place or may be even people as much and as easily as others do. And this I find has been very favourable for me as I had the opportunity of place-hopping since my childhood. Of my future, of course I have no more to say than you.

Still, although I may not be sentimental enough to feel nostalgic but I do realise that a transition in my journey awaits me and this transition further testifies the truth of the statement I began this writing with - "Its not time that is passing by, its you and I... "

Anki

ei.. emni bhabchhilaam...

"bos-e bos-e bhabchho ki
ohe matir phool
bhabna manei sopno jeno
sopno manei bhool"

onek din aage chhotobelaye porechhilam, ek baar. tobuo, keno jeno baar baar chhondo ta mone pore jaye. mone hoye keu jeno mana korchhe - bhabte, sopno dekhte... tobuo parini. aamar protidin jeno, sopno dekha diye-i shuru-o hoye aar shehsh-o. ei to bhabchhilam, tai likhe phellam.

bos-e bos-e bhabchhi aami
mon jeno maneni
bhabna bhool, sopno mitthye
tobuo chharte parini

aage konodin ei byapare bhabini je nijer bhashaye-o likhte pari. ei kichu din aage koyekta blog dekhe prothom baar ichhe holo. Sayantini-r comment ta pore bhablam chesta kora jaak, ek baar ontoto. Actually, friends-e baa readers-e keu-i bujhte paarbena, taai lekha ta kono din hoyeni. Answerable howar ichheta chhilo na. kintu blog ta to sobsomoye nijer jonyo-i lekha, tai aajke ei post ta likhlam.

:)

Anki