Insomnia is a wonderful thing for someone who knows how to utilize those extra hours. Not really for people like me who realize that there were a few extra hours at hand only after having wasted them.
Every night like a good girl I go to sleep at a normal hour (or rather an hour that I consider normal). Needless to say, in spite of that after some few good half hours, I still find myself staring at the black void of night. The moment I realize that I am still awake, various thoughts emerge from the same void that I was staring at. The thoughts vary - my office work, something I was reading, the last phone call, the book I was planning to read, will I have headache next day, will I reach office in time, what will I miss if I do not, when did I sleep last time, my next blog (it is altogether a different thing that I might never write it)... rewind... events from some 5-10 yrs back... fast forward ... something about the future. No wonder after some pondering, I sit up, switch on the light, boot up my laptop, connect to the internet. Internet is a wonderful thing, no? Sit back and the entire world at your finger tips. Read, watch, listen, chat and get lost.
But sometimes that is not enough. And during those times, I play that one single song (which has recently caught my attention) in repeat mode, pick that half read book and try to drown myself. If it is interesting (if it were really interesting, it wouldn't have been half read) then probably those thoughts will leave me alone for a while but not really for a long time. And soon they are back each one trying hard to get my attention. And I am still staring, my eyes wide open. Where does sleep go!
A few hours later, the sky has started to uncover itself from the shroud of darkness. The sun is almost up. People who have an early start have already woken up. I can hear the noises in the streets. The car that is kept outside my window is getting washed. And I am still wide awake. A glance at the watch frightens me. I stop the music or may be let it play. Set a realistic (but not late) alarm and go back to sleep. I keep the lights on, may be that will help.
"Oh please please get me some sleep. I didn't even sleep after coming back from office. Why am I not asleep! I should have done something more productive than simply staring. I should have blogged. I haven't blogged for like an year. I should have finished that book. It has been with me for months. That last book I read xyz wasn't that good. Wonder for what it got the award. May be I am not good enough for it. Oh well but I liked the other one. I can read it all over again. I have that thing to finish tomorrow. I hope so-and-so turns up or else it will get delayed. I had a meeting. Did I have to prepare something for that? May be not. I have those bills to pay. When is the last date? And I had to go to bank. I forgot again. May be this Saturday. I will wake up early. Oh but I have to go somewhere else that day. May be next then. I had some other work also, I am forgetting. Did I get the tickets. Oh I haven't booked my return tickets yet. Tomorrow first thing. I won't get them otherwise. I didn't call Mom today. She will be worried. And I had to call that person. But the office is closed tomorrow. I should really set reminders for all these. I am kind of hungry. May be I should get up and eat something. But I won't get any sleep after that. Not that I am getting any even now. I wonder if I was like this in my schooldays. No I slept a lot those days. Actually I still do. Sometimes. Why not now :( It is raining outside. I love the sound of rains :) May be I should go outside and feel the rain. Let me make a paper boat. No let me not get up. Tomorrow... I should stop behaving like a kid. May be a few more years... Where was I? No I should stop thinking now. How does one do that? Stop thinking that is... Oh no! Today was 12th. I forgot to wish! She is going to kill me. There is one more coming this month... and then there was that.. what was it? I should have completed those.. I haven't been studying for days... may be tomorrow... "
And then the alarm rings.
"Oh is it morning already...Oh so I did sleep finally. Nice!"
Snooze.
"Just 5 more minutes".
Zzzzzz Zzzzz zzzz
"Whats the time?" A glance at the mobile. "OH NO!!! I am LATE!!!"
Good Morning ;)
6 comments:
have so been through this :(
just hate it !
Anki Didi, You have very good eye of observation.. you look back at the events so thoroughly that it is reflected in each word you choose for writing. Great writeup. Life is monotonous and dull. Many hours wasted in something unknown, doing nothing. Same unfolding of events happens to me but i am more addicted to internet to avoid void after office. A poor life this, if full of care, We have no time to stand and stare. I wonder, if the poet had been working in software company :)
Anki my sweetheart.... totally what i face everynight..
I liked the "one song in repeat mode".
nice post.. guess wat i am having one of those 'staring at the black void of night' nites and i chanced upon your blog.. :)
You have a keen observation and an engaging way of describing things.. nice work keep it up :)
@vagabond :D must be a very common ailment
@Yayaver thanks :) as for the s/w its all the same everywhere i guess
@Isha :-o :-o really! afaik you are one of those 'early-to-bed early-to-rise' types :P
@anurag I am glad you visited my blog (or rather should i be thankful tht you were staring into the void that led you to my blog). and thanks a lot for your comment. i hope i will be maintaining in future too :)
I could so relate to each line of your post..! The sleeplessness happens occasionally, but whenever it happens, that is exactly how it happens!! Came to your blog through Vagabond's... Looks like I am gonna be a frequent visitor.. Great post! :)
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