In Search of a Lost World

Before I was out of kindergarten, I had already tried falling into rabbit holes, getting inside mirrors and climbing up trees, none of which led to any different world. Before long I realized that the only thing that entered at night through my open window was cold and sore throat but never any one called Peter Pan nor any flying object that remotely resembled a fairy. I should have given up at that time but I didn't.

Before I started my high school I was sure that the charming prince that all the stories kept talking about was somewhere  out there but in a different country or place, certainly he couldn't be from the same place that I stayed in. There was nothing charming about the boys I knew. By the time I went to high school, I had no interest in the prince anymore, charming or otherwise. There were other worlds of mystery and adventure that occupied my mind. By the time I finished my high school, I was so impressed by these imaginary worlds that I wanted to make one of my own. I believed everyone has a story and I believed each one of them are worth telling. And so I took time to listen to those. A friend once accused me of being a story stealer. The thought made me a little proud and I hoped with each story I stole, I was making my own story richer and better.

I wanted to tell my story. But I never did. Not after I finished high school, not in the college, not after graduation, not while I started working, not when I joined my post graduate course and not after I finished it, not when the corporate world sucked me up for the second time and not even now. Because, I don't have a story. At least not yet or rather not anymore.

By now I have lost even the fragments of my imaginary world. I don't have the thoughts or the characters who kept my childhood alive and colorful. Nor do I remember their features or presence. In fact I have started having doubts if they ever existed. They probably didn't. It is just that up until then, I believed that they did. Now I don't. I have heard, seen and read many stories. They all are still worth telling but perhaps I was mistaken. In the course of listening so many stories, I forgot how to tell one. And so now I no more want to create a world of my own. I just want to roam about or get lost in all those other created worlds. May be, just may be then I will find some of the fragments of my world back.

One such evening

It was only half past seven in the evening. On normal days, you could still hear the din of the street. The lively chatting of the workers packing for the day, the crowded buses returning people after their day's work, the incessant beeps of the impatient commuter, and even the footsteps of the innumerable pedestrians. This time of evening, on a weekday, was as busy as the morning hour when people just began their day of work. Yet, today one had to strain one's ears to hear the same sounds. 

Not that the streets were empty but the crowd was missing. Only distant noise of passing vehicles could be heard. What was unmistakable was the occasional rumble in the sky. Neither threatening nor fearful but like a pompous notice of arrival. The ambiance was shadowy tending to sombre but not quite gloomy. The sky was overcast with dark clouds. The sun was already resting behind the horizon. And the empty sky was the cloud's playground. Their game was not violent or intense, only filled with not loud yet booming roar of thunder that were inter-spaced by the murmurs of the trees. 

The night had started to arrive early today, but the stars were not yet out. Outside, the current time could easily be forgotten. Only the street lamps devotedly lighted up the open. If you had not known that the lights are typically switched off before midnight, you could easily confuse the hour to be quite late. The wind teased the trees mischievously as it traversed its unknown path and the trees in turn giggled and swayed. The lights and shadows from the synthetic illuminations from the nearby buildings gave the surrounding an unnatural glow that could hardly swallow the duskiness caused by the nature. Rather, the contrast gave it an undeserved prominence. The cold whiff of the wind tingled the skin. The chill could only graze the surface but the cool sensation was welcome after the past few days. A slight drizzle was bestowed temporarily. It would have gone almost unnoticed if the scent from the newly-wet ground had not filled up the air. The freshness from the balmy earth diffused impartially and for sometime you could smell the lushness of a beginning everywhere.

The air was still now, the trees silent. The clouds had returned the sky to the night, their game over. This was not their destination, just a hiatus. The stars have taken their positions and are now glowing undisputed. With the air undisturbed, the transient fragrance of freshness is also lost. Only the chill that brushed the skin remained, not as a tingle anymore but a memory, and a flicker of sureness that next time, it will rain.

Credit for photo

Apprehension

When I first thought of blogging this, it was to share a 10 minutes experience on a very normal platform of a station. If I tell you that all I did was standing there for the whole of 10 minutes and looking at people passing by, you will find it funny that I would want to share it. But for me, in that 10 minutes I decided that I wanted to come back there to relive some of the cherished moments spent there in the duration of my 7 years stay there.

Before actually coming back there, I nursed an apprehension in my heart with care so that I do not expect too much from those moments I was going to spend. That apprehension then, one day turned into a poem. This post is all about it.

I talked about my journey down the memory lane and how I struggled to find someone known there, that I found the place unfamiliar.

And though my mind shouted
The place was not unknown
My little heart could sense
All familiarity had gone

That I found the people speaking a language I did not know, that there was nobody I could recognize, that although in my times I knew all the roads, this time I found the paths strange.

The air that I thought had been
The soul of my life
Suffocated me so much that
To breath, I had to strive

I am frightened at the thought of going back or even looking at it once. Then finally at the end I console myself

Past is but memory
Locked up in the mind
But that in the present
Can I again find?

Well, I finally went to that place and relived all those moments with my dear friends and you will be probably glad to know that my apprehension was shattered into fragment I need not ever gather. Somethings really live forever as they are left.

Thoughts

Well am I not fast!!! Since I started writing I have been posting everyday.

And if you are still reading, you must be finding it pretty interesting. Good enough for me. So you want to peep into my thoughts... hmmm there isn't much problem there except as in my own words

But as you travel, you may see
Dead ends and blind alley
And among those winter snow and frost
Take care, you may get lost!

Well actually I was thinking may be someday all my topics will exhaust and then this blog will be neglected and ignored. But that is impossible, can human mind ever stop thinking, can I ever stop writing? Not at all.

So people, I will always be here writing something!!!

Some days before I came across an article where I read about the "pi" pattern of writing poems. "pi" you know, right? 3.141592653589793... cool isn't it?? If you have read my last poem posted then you will understand what i mean by "pi" pattern. And as soon as I read the article what did I do? Of course wrote poems in that pattern and not 1 but 3 (quite a speed!!!)

And then Of course I came back to my original style and today I wrote 4 of them (gr8 isn't it!!!) Seems I have ample time and thoughts. That is also one more reason why I am blogging :-) .2 more reasons being....

1) Access to net

2)Unavailability of messenger :-D

Well not much to write today, but in future may be someday I will discuss some of my poems too.

Read on!!!

Signing off

Anki

Dawning

Welcome to my BLOG!!!

Well to start with, I used to think blogging is a very strange way of communicating thoughts... and I often thought why do people do so. And curious as I was I thought of experimenting with it myself and find out what makes blogging so interesting... so here I am opening up my own Blog page.

"Silence" - I have always associated silence with thinking and isn't blog all about thoughts... so this is all about my "silence"

As and when some thoughts come to my mind, I will keep updating this page... but don't expect too much.