Past, Present or Future?

Once upon a time, a very wise friend of mine declared with utter hopelessness that I live in past. She accused me of getting so busy trying to re-live my days of past that I forgot everything else. That day I almost questioned her but then kept silent considering she was wiser than me. The accusation did not really make me glad. I must have spent some good hours (you see, during those days I had ample time to waste) pondering on why she told that and if at all there was truth in it. I must have then wondered that considering what she is telling to be true, was I doing something wrong, and if there was a better way. If not then whether I would like to change (I am sure I must have had answered this particular question in negative). But anyways and after such analysis for hours, I must have forgotten the whole thing and reverted to my normal self i.e the self whom my friend accused of living in past. (You might wonder 'what was the use!'. I wonder that too.)

If I were told the same thing today, I wouldn't question anymore. I wouldn't even disagree. She was correct, although only 33.33%.  You see, I live in past, present, future all at once! And trust me, there is no better way. :)

You could live in past entirely, analyzing every single moment of your life and waste away your present. But I don't do that because firstly I don't have such a great memory and secondly if I waste away my present, somewhere in my future all my past would get exhausted. What will I ponder upon after that?!
You could live in just the present, making the most of it, doing the best you can but then how you will you ever appreciate your best efforts if you never look back? You could completely ignore the future believing that if you took care of your present, the future will take care of itself. It might be true. I will not argue on that part. But tell me, where will you get all your dreams without living the future? And what a barren life that will be with no dreams to follow!

No thank you. I am quite comfortable living in past, present and future all at once. It gets a little hectic at times, and at moments I mix them all up but trust me what a life it is!

How do you live?

-Anki

#PS: Forgive my frequent not-so-meaningful, insane blogs. Currently this is one of those things that is keeping me sane. :)

"I am nobody!" and some more

I shared with you all a few of my favorite lines few times before.

A few from collection
Some of my fav poems
Some lines

Here are a few more from Emily Dickinson
(Only the eight liners or less)


*     *    *    *      *      *

I had no time to hate, because
The grave would hinder me,
And life was not so ample I
Could finish enmity.

Nor had I time to love, but since
Some industry must be,
The little toil of love, I thought,
Was large enough for me.

*     *    *    *      *      *


You left me, sweet, two legacies,--
A legacy of love
A Heavenly Father would content,
Had He the offer of;

You left me boundaries of pain
Capacious as the sea,
Between eternity and time,
Your consciousness and me.

*     *    *    *      *      *

The sky is low, the clouds are mean,
A travelling flake of snow
Across a barn or through a rut
Debates if it will go.

A narrow wind complains all day
How some one treated him;
Nature, like us, is sometimes caught
Without her diadem.

*     *    *    *      *      *

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.

*     *    *    *      *      *

For each ecstatic instant
We must an anguish pay
In keen and quivering ratio
To the ecstasy.

For each beloved hour
Sharp pittances of years,
Bitter contested farthings
And coffers heaped with tears.

*     *    *    *      *      *

My favorite still remains

I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us - don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know!

How dreary to be somebody!
How public like a frog
To tell one's name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!

*     *    *    *      *      *

Enjoy!

Mind Mélange

The Road (not)Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
 ...
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

 "The Road not Taken" by Robert Frost. He wasn't probably talking about just one choice he made.

In fact, I think, it is at every moment of our life that we are faced with a set of choices. Sometimes we make those choices willingly, sometimes knowingly but unwillingly and sometimes unknowingly. What we forget is that those choices we made willingly, unwillingly or unknowingly  do make 'all the difference' in our life. It is not chance really, it is all about choices. The job, the place, the career, the time we spend, the friends we make, the foes that we gather, the love of our life or even all those things that we hate, in short everything about our life is made of our choices.

And yet, we always find ourselves cribbing, crying, complaining. Is that because we never realized while making those choices that we will have to live them too? Did we never realize that we design our own life? May be we never made them, may be we did not design our life. It feels a little demeaning probably, to take the credit of everything that went wrong in our life. It is easier to blame somebody - the system, our family, other people, boss, company, if no one else then God or Fate. Whatever you call it!

We are never taught to do that. Take credit that is. Probably it will be too much if people started taking credit for everything that went right as well. Where will rest of the people hide their lives then? And hence we do neither. We live a life in which our choices are m by others (not necessarily people whom we know). And then we cry, crib, carry on, accept, forget, and finally die. Easy life. Tried and tested for ages. No qualms.

There was a line is the movie Take the Lead:  "I look around this room and all I see is choices - choices waiting to be made."

We stand at different points of our life and cry, "What else can I do! This is fate. This is how I am supposed to live". We close our eyes to all those choices waiting to be made. We forget what we have in our hands - our ability to decide for ourselves. It is difficult to say what makes us close our eyes - the dread of the unknown or the love of the known. May be neither.  How do we then sit in cubicles and decide for our clients, our juniors, our friends, our family but cannot decide for ourselves? It doesn't matter how small or big the choice is -  the food, the job, our career, whether to fall in love or not, whom to fall in love with, whom to marry, how to live or rather how to die...

After all if something goes wrong, there should be someone to blame! Why take the risk! Isn't it?

And it is morning already!

Insomnia is a wonderful thing for someone who knows how to utilize those extra hours. Not really for people like me who realize that there were a few extra hours at hand only after having wasted them.

Every night like a good girl I go to sleep at a normal hour (or rather an hour that I consider normal). Needless to say, in spite of that after some few good half hours, I still find myself staring at the black void of night. The moment I realize that I am still awake, various thoughts emerge from the same void that I was staring at. The thoughts vary - my office work, something I was reading, the last phone call, the book I was planning to read, will I have headache next day, will I reach office in time, what will I miss if I do not, when did I sleep last time, my next blog (it is altogether a different thing that I might never write it)... rewind... events from some 5-10 yrs back... fast forward ... something about the future. No wonder after some pondering, I sit up, switch on the light, boot up my laptop, connect to the internet. Internet is a wonderful thing, no? Sit back and the entire world at your finger tips. Read, watch, listen, chat and get lost.

But sometimes that is not enough. And during those times, I play that one single song (which has recently caught my attention) in repeat mode, pick that half read book and try to drown myself. If it is interesting (if it were really interesting, it wouldn't have been half read) then probably those thoughts will leave me alone for a while but not really for a long time. And soon they are back each one trying hard to get my attention. And I am still staring, my eyes wide open. Where does sleep go!

A few hours later, the sky has started to uncover itself from the shroud of darkness. The sun is almost up. People who have an early start have already woken up. I can hear the noises in the streets. The car that is kept outside my window is getting washed. And I am still wide awake. A glance at the watch frightens me. I stop the music or may be let it play. Set a realistic (but not late) alarm and go back to sleep. I keep the lights on, may be that will help.

"Oh please please get me some sleep. I didn't even sleep after coming back from office. Why am I not asleep! I should have done something more productive than simply staring. I should have blogged. I haven't blogged for like an year. I should have finished that book. It has been with me for months. That last book I read xyz wasn't that good. Wonder for what it got the award. May be I am not good enough for it. Oh well but I liked the other one. I can read it all over again. I have that thing to finish tomorrow. I hope so-and-so turns up or else it will get delayed. I had a meeting. Did I have to prepare something for that? May be not. I have those bills to pay. When is the last date? And I had to go to bank. I forgot again. May be this Saturday. I will wake up early. Oh but I have to go somewhere else that day. May be next then. I had some other work also, I am forgetting. Did I get the tickets. Oh I haven't booked my return tickets yet. Tomorrow first thing. I won't get them otherwise. I didn't call Mom today. She will be worried. And I had to call that person. But the office is closed tomorrow. I should really set reminders for all these. I am kind of hungry. May be I should get up and eat something. But I won't get any sleep after that. Not that I am getting any even now. I wonder if I was like this in my schooldays. No I slept a lot those days. Actually I still do. Sometimes. Why not now :( It is raining outside. I love the sound of rains :) May be I should go outside and feel the rain. Let me make a paper boat. No let me not get up. Tomorrow... I should stop behaving like a kid. May be a few more years... Where was I? No I should stop thinking now. How does one do that? Stop thinking that is... Oh no! Today was 12th. I forgot to wish! She is going to kill me. There is one more coming this month... and then there was that.. what was it? I should have completed those.. I haven't been studying for days... may be tomorrow... "

And then the alarm rings.

"Oh is it morning already...Oh so I did sleep finally. Nice!"

Snooze.
"Just 5 more minutes".

Zzzzzz Zzzzz zzzz

"Whats the time?" A glance at the mobile. "OH NO!!! I am LATE!!!"

Good Morning ;)

Return of... "me" - the poet ;)

Dear fellow bloggers and/or readers,
(especially those who have continued to come inspite of my not-blogging phases)

Remember the time, when this blog used to have my poems? For some reason (which i have given long ago) I had removed them all. BUT, the good news is that they are back. :)
And I have (hopefully by the time you read this, I would have) updated the "Creations" section for you to find them easily. :)

So drop in, read, enjoy and don't forget to leave your comments. (Good/Bad/Ugly, everything is welcome)

BTW the latest one is Flashback

#Return of the blogger!! :D

-Anki

Spread those wings, up and away...

The wind is gusty
The night is nigh
And I wonder if I may,
Spread my wings and fly!!!

The weather here has finally changed to the typical 'this-city' weather. The days are not scorching, the nights are cool, and the wind is blowing. One morning when I started my usual walk to office, the gust of the wind suddenly brought back those same feelings that I had when I first landed in this city.
Those mornings I used to walk just for this one reason - the wind on my face. And whenever I was asked whether I liked the new place, I had just one reply - "I looove the weather!".

May be over the time, I got used to it. Or may be global warming is responsible for the change in weather here. Or may be I changed my routine... or may be there are some reasons. But somewhere because of none or more of these reasons, those feelings deserted me on my way. (Why do we get used to the things we like!)

Well, so the gust of wind I was talking about, it brought a lot of other memories than just the first days here. It brought those sweet-sour memories from before I came here - the college days.There is so much - the trips to CL, the dinners, the last minute plans and how can I forget to mention the trips to nowhere .. When we used to speed in those roads (before reaching or after crossing Lanka of course!), I used to tilt my head, close my eyes and just feel the wind. When the breeze flapped the loose ends of my apparel,  I used to wonder, if that is how it would have felt had I spread my wings and flown.


(#May be it is a good thing I am not a bird, I would have fallen dead by so much flying!)
[There is one person who is responsible for all those moments. And this post is dedicated to that person and those moments. Thanks for these memories, I hope you remember them too :)]


Happy flying! ;)

And so read on...

"Fact is stranger than fiction" and yet, we readily accept the facts of newspaper but have hard time believing the fictions of books.

Well, that was not what I am going to write though. :)
I was on a classic reading spree for sometime. It broke because a speed-breaker completely toppled me and I found myself fallen on my face! So while I was on my classic reading spree, I read some unusual classics and I thought I might as well compile a list of those books (together with some I read before) for those few people who still come and peek in my blog :D

Ok, so here it goes in no particular order:

1. 1984 by George Orwell.
2. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
   
3. The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
   
4. The Mayor of Casterbridge by Thomas Hardy
   
5. Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky
   
6. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
   
7. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
   
8. Love in the time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marqez
9. Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
   
10. Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
11. Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
    

Now, I have seen that it is quite difficult to find a classic lover and usually they will still fall into various categories. So if you find classics tiring, slow-paced or tedious, I will still say, you try reading the first 3. Although, 1984 and Brave New world are almost on the same line.

Science fiction lovers, "Brave New world" and "1984" is just the kind of book you might like. They are classics so don't expect too much of modernity and of course, keep in mind the the era in which they were written. (There aren't any aliens btw so if you are looking for that, I suggest go somewhere else :D)

For people who like reading about unreal things, "The Picture of Dorian Gray" is a must, must, must! For me, it was an eye opener. If you haven't read this, you have no idea what a classic can be. And forget about the plot. Each of its sentence has so much depth that you can keep pondering upon it.

Lets see now... if you are one of those who like the female oriented classic sort of book then you will prefer "Jane Eyre", "Pride and Prejudice" or "Gone with the Wind". These are usually favorites among girls. "JE" was my first classic, so obviously it holds a special place :). In case of "P&P" and "GwtW", the main characters Lizzy and Scarlett have made the books special for me.
But then GwtW has a lot more. If War interests you, if you are curious to know about how wars have changed lives, "Gone with the wind" might interest you.

For all those people who have interests in psychology, "Lolita", "Crime and Punishment" and "Love in the time of Cholera" are sure to give you some new insights. However be warned, they can be slow. And especially for Lolita, I would suggest you read the plot first, it isn't the kind that triggers good feelings. "Love in the time of Cholera" - well actually it is a lot about love and cholera and once you read it, you wouldn't know where one ends and the other begins. No not the usual mushy-mushy love story. For "Crime and Punishment", the title suggests a lot. Existentialism readers, "Crime and Punishment" is the book for you. Go read the mind of person on how he justifies his actions.

That leaves us with "Anna Karenina" and "The Mayor of Casterbridge". You might call them typical classics.

Actually I read "The Mayor of Casterbridge" and "Far from madding crowd" one after the another and for some reason the first one caught my fancy. May be because the plot was a little different or the pace was a little faster. It is set on the rustic surroundings of a village and tells the story of ... well if you are so much interested, go and read the book!

Personally "Anna Karenina" is not one of my favorites. And if you have never read classics, I will suggest, you do not start with it. Let me tell you the reasons - firstly it is huge, close to 800 pages and slow. By the time you reach the end, you might have forgotten how it had started. No seriously! Secondly it has too many characters and somewhere in between the main focus changes from one character to another. So basically you might forget about whom you were reading. Thirdly, there are too many stories. You have to keep count. Fourthly, after all these, if you manage to finish it, you might not like the ending. I mean I did not find the end worth all the efforts :(

Inspite of all these, it is a masterpiece. You might want to read and know why. (Like I did :D)
I think, the character sketching is amazing. The way each of the characters develop with each situation. Nowhere, you will think the changes to be abrupt inspite of the fact that the characters actually undergo great changes. Ok, I told that it has a lot of stories bound together. But the binding part is quite good. In a way it feels likes you are watching a real life story and not a fiction. And probably the end part was more on the expected lines of the then society so I should not complain. Now I am leaving the choice to you.

I guess that should do for today. :)
Huge list and too many reasons. If you ever happen to read a classic, do let me know what you thought about it and why.

Happy reading

Through the Kaleidoscope

In my two decades of life, I had the chance to live in various places of my country. I have run in the dusty lanes of villages, lost in the maze of old towns and found my ways in the busy traffic of cities. I have grown up amidst people of different languages, religions, cultures, and states. No, I do not claim to know all of real India but I did have a glimpse of it. Thus, when I shifted to Bangalore for my job, I did not quite understand the problem that my ‘north Indian’ friends faced – the uncomfortable feeling of having to hear people around you speak a language you do not understand.

True, there were instances of differentiation and moments when I was confused but ultimately I was always fascinated to hear so many languages in the same place, each flourishing by its own right. Think of all the dead languages! Indians have done quite a job to have preserved so many of them. And it is not just about the languages, there is so much more to see, learn and experience. I envy all those people who have travelled all over India, tasted each regional cuisine, learned those languages, and seen the cultures from close quarters. In comparison, my bit is a miniscule.

Naturally, the incident in Maharashtra shook my entire belief on the ‘unity in diversity’ of my country. Most of us who have travelled to a different state for the sake of our career would at least wince at the thought of being discriminated and treated likewise. If we react to such a thing happening in a different country with anger, then a similar situation in our own country must have instigated a much stronger reaction. Once, in a lunchtime discussion, a colleague pointed out that this was expected. To quote him verbatim – “Who told them to leave their states and go to Maharashtra?” The person himself was from Maharashtra working in Bangalore. I wonder, if that was his belief, why he is working here.

But then, is it justified that we refrain from experiencing the rich diversity of our own country in fear of some narrow-minded hooligans. And by doing so, are we not helping them in their nasty endeavors? But, the problem is not just the absence of assimilation but also the presence of isolation. We as a set of people are not ready to adjust to the culture of some other set of people, both in our own and a different state. To adjust is not to give up your own culture but to enjoy your own set of rules and let others enjoy theirs.

In today’s world of Globalization, the need is to understand that diverse cultures can and should co-exist. It is diversity that opens up new opportunities, ideas and solutions. It ‘highlights’ our uniqueness and curbs the monotony of the world. After all, the colors in a kaleidoscope are much more pleasant to view than the white-washed wall.

Note: This is a brief version of the original write-up. The original write-up had more than 1000 words and filled with personal experiences. I had to reduce it to half. :(. I may edit this one in future to upgrade it to the original version :D

Small updates

I know, I know, I know. I know what you all have to say. I really have abandoned my blog!

Small update 1: I am going HOME :)
That will be after 6 months. It is not much may be but trust me it feels like years. So end of next week, I will be on my way. And this time it will be a long train journey to home. Frankly though, there is something about train journeys that I had been missing. It replaces the hurried moments of everyday with a lazy lingering essence. Especially when the journey extends from one day to another. Then again the journey in itself could give some mighty memorable moments.

All in all I am looking forward to it. And I have a lot to finish before that at my office as well as home.

Small update 2: I am shifting apartment (if i can call it so). That too as soon as I return. So I will have to finish all my packing before that. Now if you thought I don't have lot of things to pack. You are right. Except that I seem to have collected a good number of books.

This is how it was a year back. If I have added even half of this in rest of the time, you will realize I am not joking.
(In case you are wondering, no, I haven't read all of them. There are one or two that I have saved for dry spells. )

And of course there are clutters that I have to go through and decide which are the ones that I should keep. Now I understand why my Dad always insisted on me to go through my stuffs each time before we shifted. I always did. It is altogether a different thing that I never threw away anything :D. I can find long-lost-half-written-mostly-forgotten scribblings even today somewhere among them even though we have shifted 8-9 times. (I must be exaggerating! #Note to self: Ask Dad how many times we have shifted# ).

I guess that is all the update that I have. Hopefully I will have something more to write when I return.

Ciao

My idea of holidays

I like travelling although over the years the frequency has dwindled but given an opportunity I will be almost always ready. It was recently while talking to someone I was asked "So what are the places you would like to visit?" and I was stumped, in a way because there are so many. I thought I could categorise them and list a few. So here are those that made to the top of the list in random order:

1. Sea Beach: Any clean pristine beach with not a lot of crowd, rocky or sandy. For a moment, close your eyes, imagine a beach, what is it that comes to your mind? Is it breeze, or the waves, the sound perhaps, or the sun, may be the sand-castle? For me first and foremost, it is the sound of the breaking waves, the waves rising, falling and splashing. Sea beach has been my most common retreat. I have lot of memories from them and yet I crave for more.
2. Andaman: It was a long time ago when I was in school that classmate once brought a coral back from his holiday. He had gone gone to Andaman. I have heard a lot about the island, 'Kala Pani'. May be it has little to do with the history, location, the idea of it being a separate island altogether and the its natural beauty that I have heard/read so often. Somewhere in the same category even Lakswadeep comes.
3. Kerala: It is the lush green picture that invites me to it over and over again. I haven't been there althoughI have been planning for I don't know how long. It is the longing for its untouched pristine beaches that I have always heard of. It is the nature ultimately that calls me to it.
4. Hill stations: I have fascinated by the idea of watching a snowfall always. I got the opportunity when I went to Rohtang two years back. And somehow, snowfall still fascinates me. The idea of making a snowman. Watching the snowflakes may be even catching them. It is told that each snowflske is unique in its crystal formation. I would really like to see that. Think of all the patterns!! Brrrrrrr its cold but its fun too!
5. Trekking: People look at me and wonder I wouldn't survive a trekking trail. I will tell "at least give me chance" I haven't done much but the ones I did actually surprised a few people and myself too. There is something great about walking the trail of nature, of letting nature lead you. Give me a place that isn't too hot, where sun is not burning me, where the road is natural, where I can look around and express a sense of wonder and amazement, where there are not too many people blocking my view, and I am with someone who can tolerate my constant chatter, trust me, I can walk the way. :)
6. Cruise: Ok so I have already told that I like the sea. But I have never been in a ship, so I don't know how well I will take it. Well, but I wouldn't know unless I do. So it is one of my 'things-to-do'. However another point to note is I don't know. I also think I would be a bad match for the sea even if I knew, so it hardly matters.
7. Fishing: It is not just the idea of fishing. It is actually the entire pictue of a place where the river is flowing close by, there are trees which I can try climbing. Sitting beneath one of the shady tree, I am trying my hand on fishing and reading a book. The weather is cool, soft breeze blows, may be I even nod off somewhere in between. And at the end of the day, I can cook a fish that I caught. Now that would be a perfect holiday :)