It so happened that I decided to revive my writing habits and came across this... an excerpt of something I never completed it and probably never will do :( . You are free to assume the previous and later parts. This is more of an abstract and not a story. I understand, there is no plot.
... It was one of those bright sunny morning you would love to see when u wake up from a chilly winter night with the sunrays glistening the window-panes and the sun neither too glaring nor hidden by the cold. One in which the sky is clear blue, almost transparent, as if you can see the heaven above. One in which the fury of the heaven is forgotten. For some days, the sunny mornings had become quite common, so much that it was almost forgotten that the season was still of winter... winter - cold, frosty, chilly winter... one that does not have snows but just sharp, freezing breeze cutting through life. For, it was yet another sunny morning with no breeze to cut through and walking on such a morning is not mere pleasure, but more than that, an experience that one would like to have everyday. But then when things happen too often, they are taken for granted, their pleasures forgotten, importance lost and uniqueness merged with the "common". The same thing happened with this morning as well. It was taken for granted, its gleaming glory lost in the mundane works of everyday. Untill there was a flash of light. A silent flash that was easily missed in the broad daylight. Lightning with no sound of thunder - like the slit of a knife suddenly slicing the skin, blood oozing out, no pain but just a realization that the skin is cut. With that flash the sun was lost. Dark, heavy, frightening clouds took over the sky, curtailing the heaven that was till now visible. Darkness consumed the land like the wild fire that spreads in a jungle.
It rained. Heavy drops fell, dotting the soft land with grooves. Grooves that would remind of the rain long after the water vaporizes above or percolates down and the land is dry again. And with the rain a cold, chilly winter night descended ...too early, too quickly for the bright sunny day. The beating of the heavy rain in the ground lulled ... no... lulled is too soft a word... frightened the mankind into sleep. Each time the eyes opened, the mind thought "is it moring yet", and the heart asked, "where did I lose my bright sunny morning". And nature does not reply, but the question echoes -
Is it morning yet??
Ahem... I guess this was a try to write something different form my usual things. A bad try I agree, but a try is still a try... :D,And bear with me for this is neither a poem nor a story. And however much I try, I cannot turn my eyes away from nature :D as I am asked to do so often.
... It was one of those bright sunny morning you would love to see when u wake up from a chilly winter night with the sunrays glistening the window-panes and the sun neither too glaring nor hidden by the cold. One in which the sky is clear blue, almost transparent, as if you can see the heaven above. One in which the fury of the heaven is forgotten. For some days, the sunny mornings had become quite common, so much that it was almost forgotten that the season was still of winter... winter - cold, frosty, chilly winter... one that does not have snows but just sharp, freezing breeze cutting through life. For, it was yet another sunny morning with no breeze to cut through and walking on such a morning is not mere pleasure, but more than that, an experience that one would like to have everyday. But then when things happen too often, they are taken for granted, their pleasures forgotten, importance lost and uniqueness merged with the "common". The same thing happened with this morning as well. It was taken for granted, its gleaming glory lost in the mundane works of everyday. Untill there was a flash of light. A silent flash that was easily missed in the broad daylight. Lightning with no sound of thunder - like the slit of a knife suddenly slicing the skin, blood oozing out, no pain but just a realization that the skin is cut. With that flash the sun was lost. Dark, heavy, frightening clouds took over the sky, curtailing the heaven that was till now visible. Darkness consumed the land like the wild fire that spreads in a jungle.
It rained. Heavy drops fell, dotting the soft land with grooves. Grooves that would remind of the rain long after the water vaporizes above or percolates down and the land is dry again. And with the rain a cold, chilly winter night descended ...too early, too quickly for the bright sunny day. The beating of the heavy rain in the ground lulled ... no... lulled is too soft a word... frightened the mankind into sleep. Each time the eyes opened, the mind thought "is it moring yet", and the heart asked, "where did I lose my bright sunny morning". And nature does not reply, but the question echoes -
Is it morning yet??
Ahem... I guess this was a try to write something different form my usual things. A bad try I agree, but a try is still a try... :D,And bear with me for this is neither a poem nor a story. And however much I try, I cannot turn my eyes away from nature :D as I am asked to do so often.
9 comments:
Hi Anki ! :)
Wonderful first Attempt(is it 1st?).. An interesting,engulfing piece, but somewhat overdosed with Nature(dont take it offensive).. I mean the reader can also easily visualise with some less of the elaboration you use to elucidate the natural beauty of the scene.The thought process was still in stages to achieve culmination, so that it is not clear whether you want to generate a feeling of pathos or retrospection.Its cyclic fluency somehow alters the objective in between and the reader gets confused.
But sachchi Anki, It is instantly appreciable for the fact that you thought, you wrote and you posted this piece, which is beyond doubt much better than any other novice attempt.And as you know I am just an eccentric guy, my comments don't matter much, but I sincerely wish (and I believe you will) that you write fabulous stories...on as much varied topics as your admirable poems.. only remember that stories need a plot too, apart from just feelings :)
Take care
Kapil
One more thing....
please dont bother for those who ask/suggest you to turn your eyes away from nature... Infact I know you'll never, just wanted to whole heartedly convey that your inclination towards nature has not only resulted in soo many absolutely cherishable poems, it also constitutes a special,integral part of your personality which all ur readers admire :)
This was a very relaxing piece to read, very enjoyable, because it simply described, you don't have to think about much else, just melt into what's going on, and feel the world that you're writing about, the descriptions are excellent, and when i read it i just sat back, and was there, and that's what was nice about it, i didn't have to worry about what anyone was doing, or who they were, or where they were, naw, none of that, just the world around, the simple things that we don't always sit down to appreciate, and you captured it all beautifully,
"...walking on such a morning is not mere pleasure, but more than that, an experience that one would like to have everyday. But then when things happen too often, they are taken for granted, their pleasures forgotten, importance lost and uniqueness merged with the 'common'."
the one part that made me think past what you said, i must say it's a rather provoking topic, sort of a vicious cycle if you think about it, things that are simply enjoyable, but can't be enjoyed too often, or they will not be enyoyable any longer, so sad, it really is a shame, but what you captured here, with nature, i don't think it ever gets old, the simplest parts of nature can capture the mind for a very long time, that's part of why i love camping so much, it's so relaxing and thoughtful to just go out and be in the woods, and live so simply, no technology (as much as i love it) not machines, no appliances, just you, and the world, so peacful... excellent for writing about i must say,
Anyway, thank you so much for the comments on my poems, i'm working on another that should be up in a couple of days, sometimes i put up like 10 in a week, and sometimes i go a week without a poem to post, kind of when i'm feeling it i write, when i'm not feeling it, i don't, i hate to force something that's not there, although i hate not posting for too long, oh well, inspiration has been coming pretty often lately, havn't had to worry too much... havn't read those poems you linked to yet, but i'll try to get on top of that, life is awfully busy....
thanks again, and keep writing, and don't worry about what people think about your attention to nature, i appreciate nature too, and enjoy reading about it,
Justin
http://www.jwarethirtynine.blogspot.com
@ kaps
"only remember that stories need a plot too, apart from just feelings:
why?
call me stubborn, but you have to define story before you start setting out guidelines for what has to make them up, i'm not sure i'd call this piece a story, but i dont' think that there's anything wrong with this type of writing either, just some thoughts,
justin
http://www.jwarethirtynine.blogspot.com
feels quite good to read something that i dont quite understand (other than my class notes , that is ;-) ) .
anyways , isnt it great that some of us have the gift to see things in nature that most others just cant perceive . So why not enjoy the gift ??!!
and just in case , u want to try out something different , check out this funny take on mahishashur's plight (its in bengali)
http://www.anandautsav.com/abp2004/images/kids_games/movie/animation.html
bad try???? you call this a bad try Anki???? this is fantastic... i must admit that i enjoy prose more than poetry...... and reading this was an absolute pleasure.... i'd definitely like to read more of your 'tries' :D
keep going!!!
@ kaps
hi bhaiya
its good to know ur comments so u need not think tht ur comments dont matter. and its not tht u have to appreciate always. some difference of opinions are as good as agreement sometimes even better. :)
@ Justin
Thanks u aprreciated. I have a habit of thinking on small things so may be thts wat is reflected in my writings. keep comong back
@ shaunak
feels quite good to know tht there are things ppl dont see but i do :D
and still read them when they dont understand although there is no grades affected here (as in class notes). thanks.
@ Anks
Thnks anks. u boosted me up. i will make sure to post my further 'tries'(good or bad) for u to read (and comment for improvement). keep dropping in. it feels nice.
I have nominations, though i'm not an abhineta...
I'm asking for votes though I'm not a neta...
You know two girls in blogsville Saba and Anubha...
Jinhone shuru ki Bloggeratti ki hawa....
They have posted nominations and one of them is me...
Hence I say this again to thee...
I have nominations, though i'm not an abhineta...
I'm asking for votes though I'm not a neta...
a humble invite to my blog.... :D
Aaah, I see Anks has already reached here, with her canvassing.
But, now lemme also tell , that u must read MEERA (Code 31FIA) as well.
Hv 8 nominations, so u can always pick and choose others as well.
The last date for voting is 27th September late night. And the voting address/pattern/rules are available at
http://anubhasworld.rediffblogs.com
Now, for ur story, i will be back soon - very soon. My apologies for campaigning without reading - its rude, but seriously i hv to rush right now.
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