Ah Life!!!

Summer Vacations!!! Home Sweet Home!!!

 

And with the advent of monsoons all i want is to be in my room...on my bed  beside the open window and enjoying the drizzle outside with a sip of hot chocolate and something spicy to munch on !!! wow... LIFE!!!

 

Well it so happened that i came face to face with monsoon after a long time... and silly me, with no umbrella as usual cannot help getting stranded every now and then just anywhere. Like one day as i was coming back from lunch i reached my room all soaked up and drenched... and that reminded me of those school days when every 15th Aug and 26th Jan (yes i know u dont expect rains in Jan but thats how it happened)... we used to go to the parade ground... and as soon as we used to start... it just has to rain and that to heavily. We ofcourse cudnt run away...so we finished our part beneath the battering of the rain. And once we were all wet... umbrella and raincoats were of no use to us... and this was one time when we got drenched "legally"... well our parents cudnt scold us for this one.

And as i cycled back to home i would find my dear mom standing there waiting for her little girl... once at home i would be hushed to my room warmed up and given my glass of hot chocolate... and there i will be relishing those special attention... and no scolding.

 

Then once the rain was over... i used to come out for a walk or take my cycle with me... enjoy the cool breeze...the fragrance of the newly wet ground... the new green leaves... listen to the nusic of nature...find the puddles in the roads... and all of a sudden to the amazement of  an unaware pedestrian... SPLASH... then look at him/her with all innocence as if it was not my fault... and he/she would say "its ok beta"... and walk away cursing the rain or looking at the spoilt clothes...

 

Aha LIFE!!!

 

Now I guess since it has stopped raining... its my time to get back to the Lab!!!

 

Ah Life!!!

On my way to Neverland

Well it so happened that a few days back, I stumbled upon a quiz that would let me know which fairytale character was my alter ego. Curious little child as I am, I couldn't fight the urge to find it out. And guess where did I stand? The one and only PETER PAN !!!

If you are one of those who are acquainted with the fairytale characters, I need not tell you about Peter Pan and his Neverland. And well I have that fantastic habit of looking into small incidents and work them into something deeper. So this five minutes quiz led me to this post of mine. Well, probably if I was to find my alter ego among the characters from books of Lewis Caroll and not fairytales, I would have landed up with Alice and then this blog would have been named "Down the Rabbit Hole". I suppose by now, you have understood which trait of mine guided me to Peter Pan - just that "I don't want to grow up"

The statement seems to come from an extremely pampered and spoiled child who doesn't want to take her responsibilities. Isn't it?? Well, whether I am like that or not that is for you to decide if you know me (if you do not, plss don't bother). I for myself will of course not agree that I am either a pampered child or a spoilt girl. :D

Then comes the obvious question... "Why then I do not want to grow up?"

Time does move on, isn't it? In a pace of its own, often pushing us into caves of wonder and then again pulling us back. I too am one of those victims of time. I travel in its course like every mortal being sometimes looking back at the attributes I gathered on my way and the ones I left somewhere behind. This time when I looked back or should I say looked into my heart, I found yes, I really don't want to grow up because on my way to this stage among all the facets that I imbibed, there are things like cynical approach to life, mistrust for not just people but situations and probably for this world as a whole and something called apprehension for this moment as well as for something that I have not anticipated yet, that is yet to come.

I know you will protest, you will say I have learnt so many things. Yes, you are right. I have learnt many things like - to look into this world and say "I know you are faking, so am I", that whenever I look a falling star and wish for something, I deceive myself, that fairies are just whims, that the characters from the books of Enid Blyton and Lewis Carroll cannot come to life, that I cannot wander in this cosmos on a floating cloud, that when a tree is thick and stout it doesn't mean it will lead to the world of elves. That if I see the moon smiling, it is my stupid mind and not the moon, that winds do not whisper secrets into my ears they just cause vibrations that reach our eardrums, that the scintillating dewdrops that I see in the morning are not jewels of some celestial beings but just droplets of water, that if someone says something, it doesn't mean it is true.

I miss those times of intrepidity when I thought this world is a beautiful place, that people are veracious, when I believed in the existence of innocence, when I was credulous enough to believe that I can reach the moon climbing up a ladder, when I was ignorant of pretence and feigning (and now I have trouble convincing myself that I am true), when it was not known to me that in between the colours of black and white, there is one more shade - grey. When I had not noticed that a frown is just a smile turned upside down and it doesn't take time to swap them at least the smile to a frown, and what's more I hate to realize again and again that my world of imagination is not a part of the real world. There is a very wide gap between them that I can never fill up and someday I will have to leave that beautiful world of mine forever.

I can give you a hundred more reasons why I don't want to grow up, why I miss being a child (as if I am not!!!) but for now this is enough.

And I know, now you will pour down all your reasoning in favour of growing up, isn't it?? You know what? I hate that my mind acquiesces that you are right, that even while I continue to grumble against growing up, somewhere deep down I know growing up is JUSTIFIED and I hate this fact!!!

Drops of rain

Raining is a common phenomenon.

A few days back, in the evening it started raining. There was power failure, I didn't have anything to do so I came out of my lab to watch the drops falling, something that I have done so many times. But that day found it was different.

As it rained, each drop fell as a single entity. At times stopped by the leaves of the trees on the yard of my lab. But then they compile into one big drop and finally fall down to join the big puddle formed due to the unevenness of the ground. Then this water finally joins somewhere the sea, must be isn't it? where else will the water go!

In the same way when moments come, they come as single entity. Sometimes stopped because of special reasons and then they accumulate in our memory. And finally join the vast scope of eternity.

But then I cannot retrieve back the individual raindrops from the puddle. Isn't that unfair? I have to hold them as an aggregate. The same thing happens to our memory.

Rain kept falling and I got drowned into my puddle of thoughts. As always!

Apprehension

When I first thought of blogging this, it was to share a 10 minutes experience on a very normal platform of a station. If I tell you that all I did was standing there for the whole of 10 minutes and looking at people passing by, you will find it funny that I would want to share it. But for me, in that 10 minutes I decided that I wanted to come back there to relive some of the cherished moments spent there in the duration of my 7 years stay there.

Before actually coming back there, I nursed an apprehension in my heart with care so that I do not expect too much from those moments I was going to spend. That apprehension then, one day turned into a poem. This post is all about it.

I talked about my journey down the memory lane and how I struggled to find someone known there, that I found the place unfamiliar.

And though my mind shouted
The place was not unknown
My little heart could sense
All familiarity had gone

That I found the people speaking a language I did not know, that there was nobody I could recognize, that although in my times I knew all the roads, this time I found the paths strange.

The air that I thought had been
The soul of my life
Suffocated me so much that
To breath, I had to strive

I am frightened at the thought of going back or even looking at it once. Then finally at the end I console myself

Past is but memory
Locked up in the mind
But that in the present
Can I again find?

Well, I finally went to that place and relived all those moments with my dear friends and you will be probably glad to know that my apprehension was shattered into fragment I need not ever gather. Somethings really live forever as they are left.

Realization

We all take our life as single entity (at least I am guilty of doing so). What we do not realize that there are actually so many people who are connected to our life in some way or other. And I am not talking only about the people close to our lives like parents and acquaintances but someone distant as well. Someone we might even not know, for example imagine you came to work today by a rickshaw. It could be that it was his first earning of the day. You didn't even know that or even give a thought that you were responsible. And if I think in the opposite way, think of the person you refused. Who knows, may be he didn't even get a meal!!! By telling all this my intention is neither "blaming" nor "praising" anybody. I am just writing down my thoughts.

This was probably a very direct example. There could be something very indirect.

If you have been to the mechanical lab (I am sorry if you r not an engineer), you must have seen the gears. One is responsible to rotate the other and the process continues as long as there is another gear. May be the whole thing works like that. The influence of one person's action (one gear) on the other person (another gear) depends on the situation (like in case of gear it depends on the no of teeth). Ah!!! what a technical way of speaking ;)

But may be for now I should concentrate on closer things and not on the distant ones because they are actually in my hands. Realization is quite a thing, but what if u realize you are mistaken yet you know you have actually let the whole situation go out of your hands, that just as you think your life as a single entity there may be someone else doing the same thing. And that his/her actions will probably influence your life in a strong way. It is then that I come to know, well life is not so simple either mine or someone else'.  That human are social beings. It is all interwoven in a very complex manner and I cannot separate myself from the whole web-like stuff.

But the whole thing is soon forgotten. Until another situation arises or I am given another 'lecture'!!! But then thankfully I have those persons who keep giving me those lectures, whether or not i listen to them.

Thanks to those special persons of my life and if I have ever been a cause of pain. All I can say is I am sorry.

Thoughts

Well am I not fast!!! Since I started writing I have been posting everyday.

And if you are still reading, you must be finding it pretty interesting. Good enough for me. So you want to peep into my thoughts... hmmm there isn't much problem there except as in my own words

But as you travel, you may see
Dead ends and blind alley
And among those winter snow and frost
Take care, you may get lost!

Well actually I was thinking may be someday all my topics will exhaust and then this blog will be neglected and ignored. But that is impossible, can human mind ever stop thinking, can I ever stop writing? Not at all.

So people, I will always be here writing something!!!

Some days before I came across an article where I read about the "pi" pattern of writing poems. "pi" you know, right? 3.141592653589793... cool isn't it?? If you have read my last poem posted then you will understand what i mean by "pi" pattern. And as soon as I read the article what did I do? Of course wrote poems in that pattern and not 1 but 3 (quite a speed!!!)

And then Of course I came back to my original style and today I wrote 4 of them (gr8 isn't it!!!) Seems I have ample time and thoughts. That is also one more reason why I am blogging :-) .2 more reasons being....

1) Access to net

2)Unavailability of messenger :-D

Well not much to write today, but in future may be someday I will discuss some of my poems too.

Read on!!!

Signing off

Anki

Some lines

We often come across certain lines that either make a mark in our mind or are remembered just like that. Here are some of the lines that I have come across.

Few days back I was reading "Wings Of Fire" An Autobiography of A P J Abdul Kalam with Arun Tiwari. I coudn't finish the book (hopefully i will do so before leaving this place) but I came across quite a number of lines there. Here is one of them:

If you want to leave your footprints
On the sands of time
Do not drag your feet

How true!!! So simple yet so enlightening. how many of us doesn't know that dragging our feet leaves no footprints on the sand but how many of us think the same way about "sands of time"? Footprints and sands reminds me of another poem that I have come across many times, first time in my class 6th. It is titled "footprints". I don't remember the exact words but I suppose all of you must have come across it. (in case you have not and you want to... check this blog out after some weeks, I will write it ASAP)

Leaving marks on the sands of time... has it something to do with being famous? Because when fame comes to my mind, I almost immediately remember the lines of Emily Dickinson:

How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!

Whatever does "leaving footprints on sands of time mean"... dragging one's feet probably means doing the work halfheartedly and that brings to my mind a series of lines.

The first one by Conrad Hilton

The man who wins is the average man,
Not built on any particular plan;
Not blessed with any particular luck -
Just steady and earnest and full of pluck.
The man who wins is the man who works,
Who neither labor nor trouble shirks;
Who uses his hands, his head, his eyes-
The man who wins is the man who tries.

Then comes by Lewis Carrol

Let craft, ambition, spite
Be quenched in Reason's night
Till weakness turn to might
Till what is dark be light

Till what is wrong be right

Of course none of us can forget to mention the famous lines by Robert Frost

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
miles to go before I sleep,
and miles to go before I sleep

and then comes the famous poem "If" by Rudyard Kipling.

There is something about this poem that makes it so unique... I can read it again and again and still never think of not reading it one more time.

Then there are these lines which when I came across at once reminded me of the above mentioned poem.

For all your days prepare
And meet them ever alike
When you are the anvil, bear-
When you are the hammer, strike

There are many more such lines. I will continue some other time on some other context.

Keep coming back!!!