Of dreamers and dreams

I can't be a dancer if I don't dance. On an outset, this statement is so simple that nobody will disagree. It like wanting to count the stars without looking at the night sky. Yet the truth is is that most of us do so. We all dream and that is what sets us apart from all others. If you are lucky, you haven't forgotten your dream yet. And if you have, may be it is time you took a break to dream

The other day I was talking to a friend who tells me, "... so if we all want to be that writer, why don't we just write the book? " Yes, why exactly? Where is that book I want to write, the song I want to sing, the journey I want to take and so on and so forth? It is there of course, in our mind. When I was in Varanasi, one of my wishes (that was never fulfilled) was to watch the sunrise in the Ganges ghats. The first step to realizing that wish was to wake up before the sun rose, which I did a few times but on those days the clouds beat me to watching the sunrise. At least you can't say that I did not attempt it but I still failed.

We all are afraid of failures and a distant dream is easier to nurture than a broken dream. So the book is never written in fear of rejection, the song never sung in fear of ridicule and the trip never made in fear of cancellation.

For some things, we can attempt and attempt and attempt and for some things, there is a deadline so they are attempted either to be completed, or to be given up. But most of our dreams require a lot of effort (sometimes just a little that is exaggerated by our devilish minds) and can be pushed to the tomorrow that never really arrives and hence we look at that treasured dream in the distant horizon and hope that we will reach there, one day.

And so this post is to remind me that dream, or no dream, I can't be a blogger if I don't blog. The actual dream of course, comes a little later.

In Search of a Lost World

Before I was out of kindergarten, I had already tried falling into rabbit holes, getting inside mirrors and climbing up trees, none of which led to any different world. Before long I realized that the only thing that entered at night through my open window was cold and sore throat but never any one called Peter Pan nor any flying object that remotely resembled a fairy. I should have given up at that time but I didn't.

Before I started my high school I was sure that the charming prince that all the stories kept talking about was somewhere  out there but in a different country or place, certainly he couldn't be from the same place that I stayed in. There was nothing charming about the boys I knew. By the time I went to high school, I had no interest in the prince anymore, charming or otherwise. There were other worlds of mystery and adventure that occupied my mind. By the time I finished my high school, I was so impressed by these imaginary worlds that I wanted to make one of my own. I believed everyone has a story and I believed each one of them are worth telling. And so I took time to listen to those. A friend once accused me of being a story stealer. The thought made me a little proud and I hoped with each story I stole, I was making my own story richer and better.

I wanted to tell my story. But I never did. Not after I finished high school, not in the college, not after graduation, not while I started working, not when I joined my post graduate course and not after I finished it, not when the corporate world sucked me up for the second time and not even now. Because, I don't have a story. At least not yet or rather not anymore.

By now I have lost even the fragments of my imaginary world. I don't have the thoughts or the characters who kept my childhood alive and colorful. Nor do I remember their features or presence. In fact I have started having doubts if they ever existed. They probably didn't. It is just that up until then, I believed that they did. Now I don't. I have heard, seen and read many stories. They all are still worth telling but perhaps I was mistaken. In the course of listening so many stories, I forgot how to tell one. And so now I no more want to create a world of my own. I just want to roam about or get lost in all those other created worlds. May be, just may be then I will find some of the fragments of my world back.

And so time passes

"I go to sleep alone, and wake up alone. I take walks. I work until I am tired. I watch the wind play with the trash that's been under the snow all winter. Everything seems simple until you think about it. Why is love intensified by absence?" - The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

That's the latest book I have picked up. There are a few more around. Some half read, some still not started and some on the verge of ending. They keep me company. It feels good to have books around me. Not a lot. Just a few so that I know I have something to do when I don't want to think or talk or when I can't sleep and songs are not enough. Most of the time I pick up a book and that makes everything simple. Cooking helps too but most of the time I used to be lazy. I have improved. One more task just gives me more choices on what to do to not think.

Then I pick up random hobbies. Blogging used to be a big thing once upon a time. One time I started crafts. Gifted that to someone. I started sketching. continued it for sometime but left all my books back at home so now I have to go buy them again. That will go in to my list of things to do. I picked up origami recently and used all available waste papers at home to makes all kinds of birds, flowers, butterflies. But it took too much space so I suspended a few of them above my bed and pasted the rest on the walls. If nothing else, it made my room a little more lively. Something that makes me smile every time I enter the room.  

Weekends, I meet up friends, go for a movie (rarely) or a play (latest craze) or just make a list of things to buy and go shopping. I am not much of a shopper. Not when alone unless there is something specific that I want to buy. Discs and pubs don't excite me at all so those places are not even thought of unless someone else suggests and even then most of the time I find a reason to not go. I wish I started writing again. But these  days words seem to just disappear before I can pen them down. Then again when I am trying to run away from thinking, how can I write. But I will again, soon.

"I keep myself busy. Time goes faster that way." - The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

Veiled Existence

There is only so much that one can know about somebody. The truth is that the picture is always incomplete. Add to that fact that we are all evolving everyday. What I believed yesterday might be a fairy tale today or what I will believe tomorrow might be even unknown to me today. But that should not be a surprise because how much do we even know ourselves. We try to complete our own picture everyday  not for others but for ourselves.

And yet, every single day while going through our daily chores, meeting the same people we met yesterday, we keep thinking that we know them. We don't. We never will, just as they will never know us. It is common for most of us to complain from the very teenage days or sometimes even before that nobody understands. The opposite perspective is always lost: that we never understand anybody either. I could extend it further saying that even if I understood someone at that one moment of interaction we had, it was lost the very next moment because we evolve every single moment. May be the everyday effort to understand every single person around us is like the myth of Sisyphus: futile but still repeated.

Then again it is necessary at some level to understand a person so that you can interact. As a part of the society, that probably is the most important code of conduct that we follow. We try to complete the picture we have no idea about by our own whims and fancies and then when we have done so, we claim we have understood everyone. An illusion we create, nurture and defend for life. What can we do, after all to err is human.

Credits:

Inspiration for sketch

Random Things About Me

DREAMER

You're a romantic in your outlook with a bit of taste for the exotic. You love feeling the sea breeze in your hair, sun on your skin... You always take the first dip. Your choice of drink shows you care about your health and make sure you're putting the right stuff in. When it comes to holidays you reckon they should always be indulgent -  a very special treat and a chance to recharge your batteries in luxurious surrounding as well as spending quality time with family and friends.

 THRILLER

As for the home you have an expressive personality with contemporary taste. You like to be surrounded by the precious possessions that define who you are. For kicks you like to be spoilt rotten. It's always so much fun opening gifts. nothing beats that kind of surprise.

BACK TO BASICS
When it comes to art you find beauty in the world around you. Nothing is more precious than natural treasures. As for music it's the soundtrack to your world. You're up to speed with downloading and your mp3 is always close by. Music helps you concentrate. you probably find it hard to ever switch it off. You're never happier than when you are snuggled up eyes shut. So whether you're worn out or just plain lazy lay back relax and catch up on some zzzzzs! When you think of freedom - the great outdoors spring to mind. Getting back to nature is a big draw. It's the perfect place to find peace and quiet.

THOUGHTFUL

You're an indulgent character and you treasure your possessions. You're a magpie; if it sparkles you just have to have it! For you friendship is all about being there for one another. You can't imagine life without your best friends. And they are the first place you go when you need some advice or a shoulder to cry on.

Well, not bad I would say.

Find you VisualDNA.

One such evening

It was only half past seven in the evening. On normal days, you could still hear the din of the street. The lively chatting of the workers packing for the day, the crowded buses returning people after their day's work, the incessant beeps of the impatient commuter, and even the footsteps of the innumerable pedestrians. This time of evening, on a weekday, was as busy as the morning hour when people just began their day of work. Yet, today one had to strain one's ears to hear the same sounds. 

Not that the streets were empty but the crowd was missing. Only distant noise of passing vehicles could be heard. What was unmistakable was the occasional rumble in the sky. Neither threatening nor fearful but like a pompous notice of arrival. The ambiance was shadowy tending to sombre but not quite gloomy. The sky was overcast with dark clouds. The sun was already resting behind the horizon. And the empty sky was the cloud's playground. Their game was not violent or intense, only filled with not loud yet booming roar of thunder that were inter-spaced by the murmurs of the trees. 

The night had started to arrive early today, but the stars were not yet out. Outside, the current time could easily be forgotten. Only the street lamps devotedly lighted up the open. If you had not known that the lights are typically switched off before midnight, you could easily confuse the hour to be quite late. The wind teased the trees mischievously as it traversed its unknown path and the trees in turn giggled and swayed. The lights and shadows from the synthetic illuminations from the nearby buildings gave the surrounding an unnatural glow that could hardly swallow the duskiness caused by the nature. Rather, the contrast gave it an undeserved prominence. The cold whiff of the wind tingled the skin. The chill could only graze the surface but the cool sensation was welcome after the past few days. A slight drizzle was bestowed temporarily. It would have gone almost unnoticed if the scent from the newly-wet ground had not filled up the air. The freshness from the balmy earth diffused impartially and for sometime you could smell the lushness of a beginning everywhere.

The air was still now, the trees silent. The clouds had returned the sky to the night, their game over. This was not their destination, just a hiatus. The stars have taken their positions and are now glowing undisputed. With the air undisturbed, the transient fragrance of freshness is also lost. Only the chill that brushed the skin remained, not as a tingle anymore but a memory, and a flicker of sureness that next time, it will rain.

Credit for photo

String of Pearls

Ever wondered what keeps us going? Millions of people wake up everyday to go about their daily routine. What would happen if one fine morning everyone decides "that is it!" It's not really an uncommon question. Most of us have wondered about this, if not for personal reason then surely for professional reasons but have we really found the answer?