Some disjoint excerpts.

It will be highly exaggerated if I said that I feel nostalgic about the 3 yrs stay here. However it will be unjustified to say that I am absolutely unfeeling about my coming to 4th year or for the matter leaving college in a few months. The truth is some thoughts do come, on and off, to make me realize this. I made a point to note them down just like that somewhere and today I found some of the pages. So here are some of the excerpts from those pages -

7/26/2006 3:57 AM

As the 4th year started, all of a sudden, the absence of seniors in the hostel, LC and on the roads of insti makes me realize that I have grown up. The thing is that the feeling of ‘growing up’ doesn’t come with the same pace as that of my growing up. I feel it all of a sudden one fine morning when certain responsibilities are thrust upon me or when people who used to take care of me are all suddenly not as near as they used to be. The job scenario and the constant feeling of CAT keeps my mind occupied most of the time but once in a while, I still take time to look around me and let my mind wander...

7/27/2006 12:55 AM

There were two thin old brown-paper covered books from the school-days of my father. One of those had this poem “Little Things” as its first poem. Even though when I first read them, probably nothing other than the rhyming words were noticed but today as these words are ringing in the back of my mind, I realize that this little poem has some great lessons of life. Seriously, even if I were to forget all philosophies and look at it from a scientific point of view (as a student of science), isn’t it a fact proved beyond doubt that all things (matter or non matter) are made up of smaller units! Like the bricks in this building, the chips of this Laptop, the cells of living things, atoms, electrons, quarks (and may be more are to be discovered)… and so on. So is my life, made up of small moments. All of a sudden this realization comes that so many of these important moments have passed away by my side and I haven’t even noticed. So many of them wasted for the sake of crying, worrying and God knows what else. The reason of this sudden realization may be that we are on the verge of joining the world of grown ups, on the verge of leaving student life. The coming to 4th year wasn’t same as the coming to 2nd or 3rd year. This time it is like we are knocking at the door of an unknown world and are both apprehensive and excited about it. May be nothing much will change but it is this transition that has brought this realization. The first day when I came to insti this session, as I was entering the campus, the same roads that I had traversed 3 years back with my parents, I had this sudden feeling of making this year memorable. Not just through memories but through journals. I wanted to treasure each of its days so that when I look back, it will be not just looking back at disjoint scraps of memories but something more concrete. Like journals and pictures. More importantly through journal, because same thoughts and feelings do not come again. But of course the kind of lazy person I am, I never made it till I sat here and started writing this. One of the main reasons for writing this is this feeling of treasuring the last year here. Because this time I don’t want those little significant moments pass away unnoticed.

Like I said, I am lazy :( I did miss many things I guess.

The excitement (even if mingled with apprehension) of attending to something new is often more in my case than the sorrow of leaving something behind. May be the constant change of places has made me such. There is always so much to do that getting stagnant at the same place, same routine gives a vague feeling of suffocation. Four years is a long time. And this time I know, when I leave, I will take those things that I cherish with me.

No, I can't take the ghats or the roads of BHU with me but I can take that feeling they give me, and their memories.

Just felt like writing.