Silence

Past, Present or Future?

noreply@blogger.com (Anki) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 21:32:00 +0000

Once upon a time, a very wise friend of mine declared with utter hopelessness that I live in past. She accused me of getting so busy trying to re-live my days of past that I forgot everything else. That day I almost questioned her but then kept silent considering she was wiser than me. The accusation did not really make me glad. I must have spent some good hours (you see, during those days I had ample time to waste) pondering on why she told that and if at all there was truth in it. I must have then wondered that considering what she is telling to be true, was I doing something wrong, and if there was a better way. If not then whether I would like to change (I am sure I must have had answered this particular question in negative). But anyways and after such analysis for hours, I must have forgotten the whole thing and reverted to my normal self i.e the self whom my friend accused of living in past. (You might wonder 'what was the use!'. I wonder that too.)

If I were told the same thing today, I wouldn't question anymore. I wouldn't even disagree. She was correct, although only 33.33%. You see, I live in past, present, future all at once! And trust me, there is no better way. :)

You could live in past entirely, analyzing every single moment of your life and waste away your present. But I don't do that because firstly I don't have such a great memory and secondly if I waste away my present, somewhere in my future all my past would get exhausted. What will I ponder upon after that?!
You could live in just the present, making the most of it, doing the best you can but then how you will you ever appreciate your best efforts if you never look back? You could completely ignore the future believing that if you took care of your present, the future will take care of itself. It might be true. I will not argue on that part. But tell me, where will you get all your dreams without living the future? And what a barren life that will be with no dreams to follow!

No thank you. I am quite comfortable living in past, present and future all at once. It gets a little hectic at times, and at moments I mix them all up but trust me what a life it is!

How do you live?

-Anki

#PS: Forgive my frequent not-so-meaningful, insane blogs. Currently this is one of those things that is keeping me sane. :)

"I am nobody!" and some more

noreply@blogger.com (Anki) — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 20:55:00 +0000

I shared with you all a few of my favorite lines few times before.

A few from collection
Some of my fav poems
Some lines

Here are a few more from Emily Dickinson
(Only the eight liners or less)

*     *    *    *      *      *

I had no time to hate, because
The grave would hinder me,
And life was not so ample I
Could finish enmity.

Nor had I time to love, but since
Some industry must be,
The little toil of love, I thought,
Was large enough for me.

*     *    *    *      *      *

You left me, sweet, two legacies,--
A legacy of love
A Heavenly Father would content,
Had He the offer of;

You left me boundaries of pain
Capacious as the sea,
Between eternity and time,
Your consciousness and me.

*     *    *    *      *      *

The sky is low, the clouds are mean,
A travelling flake of snow
Across a barn or through a rut
Debates if it will go.

A narrow wind complains all day
How some one treated him;
Nature, like us, is sometimes caught
Without her diadem.

*     *    *    *      *      *

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.

*     *    *    *      *      *

For each ecstatic instant
We must an anguish pay
In keen and quivering ratio
To the ecstasy.

For each beloved hour
Sharp pittances of years,
Bitter contested farthings
And coffers heaped with tears.

*     *    *    *      *      *

My favorite still remains

I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us - don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know!

How dreary to be somebody!
How public like a frog
To tell one's name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!

*     *    *    *      *      *

Enjoy!

Mind Mélange

noreply@blogger.com (Anki) — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 22:21:00 +0000

The Road (not)Taken

noreply@blogger.com (Anki) — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 21:30:00 +0000

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
...
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

"The Road not Taken" by Robert Frost. He wasn't probably talking about just one choice he made.

In fact, I think, it is at every moment of our life that we are faced with a set of choices. Sometimes we make those choices willingly, sometimes knowingly but unwillingly and sometimes unknowingly. What we forget is that those choices we made willingly, unwillingly or unknowingly do make 'all the difference' in our life. It is not chance really, it is all about choices. The job, the place, the career, the time we spend, the friends we make, the foes that we gather, the love of our life or even all those things that we hate, in short everything about our life is made of our choices.

And yet, we always find ourselves cribbing, crying, complaining. Is that because we never realized while making those choices that we will have to live them too? Did we never realize that we design our own life? May be we never made them, may be we did not design our life. It feels a little demeaning probably, to take the credit of everything that went wrong in our life. It is easier to blame somebody - the system, our family, other people, boss, company, if no one else then God or Fate. Whatever you call it!

We are never taught to do that. Take credit that is. Probably it will be too much if people started taking credit for everything that went right as well. Where will rest of the people hide their lives then? And hence we do neither. We live a life in which our choices are m by others (not necessarily people whom we know). And then we cry, crib, carry on, accept, forget, and finally die. Easy life. Tried and tested for ages. No qualms.

There was a line is the movie Take the Lead: "I look around this room and all I see is choices - choices waiting to be made."

We stand at different points of our life and cry, "What else can I do! This is fate. This is how I am supposed to live". We close our eyes to all those choices waiting to be made. We forget what we have in our hands - our ability to decide for ourselves. It is difficult to say what makes us close our eyes - the dread of the unknown or the love of the known. May be neither. How do we then sit in cubicles and decide for our clients, our juniors, our friends, our family but cannot decide for ourselves? It doesn't matter how small or big the choice is - the food, the job, our career, whether to fall in love or not, whom to fall in love with, whom to marry, how to live or rather how to die...

After all if something goes wrong, there should be someone to blame! Why take the risk! Isn't it?

And it is morning already!

noreply@blogger.com (Anki) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 20:58:00 +0000

Insomnia is a wonderful thing for someone who knows how to utilize those extra hours. Not really for people like me who realize that there were a few extra hours at hand only after having wasted them.

Every night like a good girl I go to sleep at a normal hour (or rather an hour that I consider normal). Needless to say, in spite of that after some few good half hours, I still find myself staring at the black void of night. The moment I realize that I am still awake, various thoughts emerge from the same void that I was staring at. The thoughts vary - my office work, something I was reading, the last phone call, the book I was planning to read, will I have headache next day, will I reach office in time, what will I miss if I do not, when did I sleep last time, my next blog (it is altogether a different thing that I might never write it)... rewind... events from some 5-10 yrs back... fast forward ... something about the future. No wonder after some pondering, I sit up, switch on the light, boot up my laptop, connect to the internet. Internet is a wonderful thing, no? Sit back and the entire world at your finger tips. Read, watch, listen, chat and get lost.

But sometimes that is not enough. And during those times, I play that one single song (which has recently caught my attention) in repeat mode, pick that half read book and try to drown myself. If it is interesting (if it were really interesting, it wouldn't have been half read) then probably those thoughts will leave me alone for a while but not really for a long time. And soon they are back each one trying hard to get my attention. And I am still staring, my eyes wide open. Where does sleep go!

A few hours later, the sky has started to uncover itself from the shroud of darkness. The sun is almost up. People who have an early start have already woken up. I can hear the noises in the streets. The car that is kept outside my window is getting washed. And I am still wide awake. A glance at the watch frightens me. I stop the music or may be let it play. Set a realistic (but not late) alarm and go back to sleep. I keep the lights on, may be that will help.

"Oh please please get me some sleep. I didn't even sleep after coming back from office. Why am I not asleep! I should have done something more productive than simply staring. I should have blogged. I haven't blogged for like an year. I should have finished that book. It has been with me for months. That last book I read xyz wasn't that good. Wonder for what it got the award. May be I am not good enough for it. Oh well but I liked the other one. I can read it all over again. I have that thing to finish tomorrow. I hope so-and-so turns up or else it will get delayed. I had a meeting. Did I have to prepare something for that? May be not. I have those bills to pay. When is the last date? And I had to go to bank. I forgot again. May be this Saturday. I will wake up early. Oh but I have to go somewhere else that day. May be next then. I had some other work also, I am forgetting. Did I get the tickets. Oh I haven't booked my return tickets yet. Tomorrow first thing. I won't get them otherwise. I didn't call Mom today. She will be worried. And I had to call that person. But the office is closed tomorrow. I should really set reminders for all these. I am kind of hungry. May be I should get up and eat something. But I won't get any sleep after that. Not that I am getting any even now. I wonder if I was like this in my schooldays. No I slept a lot those days. Actually I still do. Sometimes. Why not now :( It is raining outside. I love the sound of rains :) May be I should go outside and feel the rain. Let me make a paper boat. No let me not get up. Tomorrow... I should stop behaving like a kid. May be a few more years... Where was I? No I should stop thinking now. How does one do that? Stop thinking that is... Oh no! Today was 12th. I forgot to wish! She is going to kill me. There is one more coming this month... and then there was that.. what was it? I should have completed those.. I haven't been studying for days... may be tomorrow... "

And then the alarm rings.

"Oh is it morning already...Oh so I did sleep finally. Nice!"

Snooze.
"Just 5 more minutes".

Zzzzzz Zzzzz zzzz

"Whats the time?" A glance at the mobile. "OH NO!!! I am LATE!!!"

Good Morning ;)

Return of... "me" - the poet ;)

noreply@blogger.com (Anki) — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 18:28:00 +0000

Dear fellow bloggers and/or readers,
(especially those who have continued to come inspite of my not-blogging phases)

Remember the time, when this blog used to have my poems? For some reason (which i have given long ago) I had removed them all. BUT, the good news is that they are back. :)
And I have (hopefully by the time you read this, I would have) updated the "Creations" section for you to find them easily. :)

So drop in, read, enjoy and don't forget to leave your comments. (Good/Bad/Ugly, everything is welcome)

BTW the latest one is Flashback

#Return of the blogger!! :D

-Anki

Spread those wings, up and away...

noreply@blogger.com (Anki) — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 20:32:00 +0000

The wind is gusty
The night is nigh
And I wonder if I may,
Spread my wings and fly!!!

The weather here has finally changed to the typical 'this-city' weather. The days are not scorching, the nights are cool, and the wind is blowing. One morning when I started my usual walk to office, the gust of the wind suddenly brought back those same feelings that I had when I first landed in this city.
Those mornings I used to walk just for this one reason - the wind on my face. And whenever I was asked whether I liked the new place, I had just one reply - "I looove the weather!".

May be over the time, I got used to it. Or may be global warming is responsible for the change in weather here. Or may be I changed my routine... or may be there are some reasons. But somewhere because of none or more of these reasons, those feelings deserted me on my way. (Why do we get used to the things we like!)

Well, so the gust of wind I was talking about, it brought a lot of other memories than just the first days here. It brought those sweet-sour memories from before I came here - the college days.There is so much - the trips to CL, the dinners, the last minute plans and how can I forget to mention the trips to nowhere .. When we used to speed in those roads (before reaching or after crossing Lanka of course!), I used to tilt my head, close my eyes and just feel the wind. When the breeze flapped the loose ends of my apparel, I used to wonder, if that is how it would have felt had I spread my wings and flown.

(#May be it is a good thing I am not a bird, I would have fallen dead by so much flying!)
[There is one person who is responsible for all those moments. And this post is dedicated to that person and those moments. Thanks for these memories, I hope you remember them too :)]

Happy flying! ;)

A Reply ...

noreply@blogger.com (Anki) — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 17:59:00 +0000

I read this poem on someone's blog: "an ODE to LOVE. . . from FRIENDSHIP" and after a long time (around 6 months!!!! my longest gap ever) wrote a poem in reply to this. I haven't taken permission from the author but since I am giving him all due credits and also the link to his blog, I am hoping he will not mind.

If you really want to enjoy the poem below, I suggest you go and read the above first.

Here is the reply:

In reply to an Ode to Love

To Friendship,

You waited and waited all these days,
In my heart to find your place,
Hoping one day, to fall into me ?
I was walking beside, you did not see.

You looked for falling stars at night.
Did you not see the stars that shined?
You say I belong to a chosen few
But then, did I not belong to you?

They warned you about the way I strike
You say you did not put up a fight
Did your belief in me not stagger-
That instance they painted me with dagger?

You believed them with so much ease
As they told you, what they pleased
And you realised I was not your friend
Tell me, who brought this friendship's end?

The life's mysteries that you talk about
Are what we both together bring out
It was never about you or me
It was 'us', you fail to see.

Don't you see there is a river betwixt
It is in there that life exists
We are but the banks of that river
We stay apart and yet move together

If you are not there, I cannot be
So are you, incomplete without me.
And yet we are not the one and the same
We are different shades with different name.
If I were to mingle into you or you to me,
Who will hold the stream that we carry?
How will the river reach its sea?
If you were to converge and merge with me?

Yes, we are each a different strand
I hope some day you will understand
In spite of being so much similar
Why is it that we are so far.
Who will hold those who get lost from me
If you are not there to take care and see?
Who will heal those who had to drift
Because they could not bear my gift

No, we are not one, we can never be
But still we are bound till eternity.

From Love

17th Sept 2009

PS: I had removed all my poems from my blog and had stopped posting them too but since this poem is a result of my visit to fellow blogger's space, this poem belongs to the blogworld :)

PPS: I don't know the blogger who wrote the other poem. So my poem is impersonal, unbiased and written only as a reply to that poem.

And so read on...

noreply@blogger.com (Anki) — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 20:05:00 +0000

"Fact is stranger than fiction" and yet, we readily accept the fictions of books but have hard time believing the facts of newspaper.

Well, that was not what I am going write though. :)
I was on a classic reading spree for sometime. It broke because a speed-breaker completely toppled me and I found myself fallen on my face! So while I was on my classic reading spree, I read some unusual fictions and I thought I might as well compile a list of those books (together with some I read before) for those few people who still come and peek in my blog :D

Ok, so here it goes in no particular order:

1984 by George Orwell.
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
The Mayor of Casterbridge by Thomas Hardy
Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
Love in the time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marqez
Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell

Now, I have seen that it is quite difficult to find a fiction lover and usually they will still fall into various categories. So if you find fictions tiring, slow-paced or tedious, I will still say, you try reading the first 3. Although, 1984 and Brave New world are almost on the same line.

Science fiction lovers, "Brave New world" and "1984" is just the kind of book you might like. They are classics so don't expect too much of modernity and of course, keep in mind the the era in which they were written. (There aren't any aliens btw so if you are looking for that, I suggest go somewhere else :D)

For people who like reading about unreal things, "The Picture of Dorian Gray" is a must, must, must! For me, it was an eye opener. If you haven't read this, you have no idea what a classic can be. And forget about the plot. Each of its sentence has so much depth that you can keep pondering upon it.

Lets see now... if you are one of those who like the female oriented classic sort of book then you will prefer "Jane Eyre", "Pride and Prejudice" or "Gone with the Wind". These are usually favorites among girls. "JE" was my first classic, so obviously it holds a special place :). In case of "P&P" and "GwtW", the main characters Lizzy and Scarlett have made the books special for me.
But then GwtW has a lot more. If War interests you, if you are curious to know about how wars have changed lives, "Gone with the wind" might interest you.

For all those people who have interests in psychology, "Lolita", "Crime and Punishment" and "Love in the time of Cholera" are sure to give you some new insights. However be warned, they can be slow. And especially for Lolita, I would suggest you read the plot first, it isn't the kind that triggers good feelings. "Love in the time of Cholera" - well actually it is a lot about love and cholera and once you read it, you wouldn't know where one ends and the other begins. No not the usual mushy-mushy love story. For "Crime and Punishment", the title suggests a lot. Existentialism readers, "Crime and Punishment" is the book for you. Go read the mind of person on how he justifies his actions.

That leaves us with "Anna Karenina" and "The Mayor of Casterbridge". You might call them typical classics.

Actually I read "The Mayor of Casterbridge" and "Far from madding crowd" one after the another and for some reason the first one caught my fancy. May be because the plot was a little different or the pace was a little faster. It is set on the rustic surroundings of a village and tells the story of ... well if you are so much interested, go and read the book!

Personally "Anna Karenina" is not one of my favorites. And if you have never read classics, I will suggest, you do not start with it. Let me tell you the reasons - firstly it is huge, close to 800 pages and slow. By the time you reach the end, you might have forgotten how it had started. No seriously! Secondly it has too many characters and somewhere in between the main focus changes from one character to another. So basically you might forget about whom you were reading. Thirdly, there are too many stories. You have to keep count. Fourthly, after all these, if you manage to finish it, you might not like the ending. I mean I did not find the end worth all the efforts :(

Inspite of all these, it is a masterpiece. You might want to read and know why. (Like I did :D)
I think, the character sketching is amazing. The way each of the characters develop with each situation. Nowhere, you will think the changes to be abrupt inspite of the fact that the characters actually undergo great changes. Ok, I told that it has a lot of stories bound together. But the binding part is quite good. In a way it feels likes you are watching a real life story and not a fiction. And probably the end part was more on the expected lines of the then society so I should not complain. Now I am leaving the choice to you.

I guess that should do for today. :)
Huge list and too many reasons. If you ever happen to read a classic, do let me know what you thought about it and why.

Happy reading

Through the Kaleidoscope

noreply@blogger.com (Anki) — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 06:39:00 +0000

In my two decades of life, I had the chance to live in various places of my country. I have run in the dusty lanes of villages, lost in the maze of old towns and found my ways in the busy traffic of cities. I have grown up amidst people of different languages, religions, cultures, and states. No, I do not claim to know all of real India but I did have a glimpse of it. Thus, when I shifted to Bangalore for my job, I did not quite understand the problem that my ‘north Indian’ friends faced – the uncomfortable feeling of having to hear people around you speak a language you do not understand.

True, there were instances of differentiation and moments when I was confused but ultimately I was always fascinated to hear so many languages in the same place, each flourishing by its own right. Think of all the dead languages! Indians have done quite a job to have preserved so many of them. And it is not just about the languages, there is so much more to see, learn and experience. I envy all those people who have travelled all over India, tasted each regional cuisine, learned those languages, and seen the cultures from close quarters. In comparison, my bit is a miniscule.

Naturally, the incident in Maharashtra shook my entire belief on the ‘unity in diversity’ of my country. Most of us who have travelled to a different state for the sake of our career would at least wince at the thought of being discriminated and treated likewise. If we react to such a thing happening in a different country with anger, then a similar situation in our own country must have instigated a much stronger reaction. Once, in a lunchtime discussion, a colleague pointed out that this was expected. To quote him verbatim – “Who told them to leave their states and go to Maharashtra?” The person himself was from Maharashtra working in Bangalore. I wonder, if that was his belief, why he is working here.

But then, is it justified that we refrain from experiencing the rich diversity of our own country in fear of some narrow-minded hooligans. And by doing so, are we not helping them in their nasty endeavors? But, the problem is not just the absence of assimilation but also the presence of isolation. We as a set of people are not ready to adjust to the culture of some other set of people, both in our own and a different state. To adjust is not to give up your own culture but to enjoy your own set of rules and let others enjoy theirs.

In today’s world of Globalization, the need is to understand that diverse cultures can and should co-exist. It is diversity that opens up new opportunities, ideas and solutions. It ‘highlights’ our uniqueness and curbs the monotony of the world. After all, the colors in a kaleidoscope are much more pleasant to view than the white-washed wall.

Note: This is a brief version of the original write-up. The original write-up had more than 1000 words and filled with personal experiences. I had to reduce it to half. :(. I may edit this one in future to upgrade it to the original version :D

Small updates

noreply@blogger.com (Anki) — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 17:14:00 +0000

I know, I know, I know. I know what you all have to say. I really have abandoned my blog!

Small update 1: I am going HOME :)
That will be after 6 months. It is not much may be but trust me it feels like years. So end of next week, I will be on my way. And this time it will be a long train journey to home. Frankly though, there is something about train journeys that I had been missing. It replaces the hurried moments of everyday with a lazy lingering essence. Especially when the journey extends from one day to another. Then again the journey in itself could give some mighty memorable moments.

All in all I am looking forward to it. And I have a lot to finish before that at my office as well as home.

Small update 2: I am shifting apartment (if i can call it so). That too as soon as I return. So I will have to finish all my packing before that. Now if you thought I don't have lot of things to pack. You are right. Except that I seem to have collected a good number of books.

This is how it was a year back. If I have added even half of this in rest of the time, you will realize I am not joking.
(In case you are wondering, no, I haven't read all of them. There are one or two that I have saved for dry spells. )

And of course there are clutters that I have to go through and decide which are the ones that I should keep. Now I understand why my Dad always insisted on me to go through my stuffs each time before we shifted. I always did. It is altogether a different thing that I never threw away anything :D. I can find long-lost-half-written-mostly-forgotten scribblings even today somewhere among them even though we have shifted 8-9 times. (I must be exaggerating! #Note to self: Ask Dad how many times we have shifted# ).

I guess that is all the update that I have. Hopefully I will have something more to write when I return.

Ciao

My idea of holidays

noreply@blogger.com (Anki) — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 16:57:00 +0000

I like travelling although over the years the frequency has dwindled but given an opportunity I will be almost always ready. It was recently while talking to someone I was asked "So what are the places you would like to visit?" and I was stumped, in a way because there are so many. I thought I could categorise them and list a few. So here are those that made to the top of the list in random order:

Sea Beach: Any clean pristine beach with not a lot of crowd, rocky or sandy. For a moment, close your eyes, imagine a beach, what is it that comes to your mind? Is it breeze, or the waves, the sound perhaps, or the sun, may be the sand-castle? For me first and foremost, it is the sound of the breaking waves, the waves rising, falling and splashing. Sea beach has been my most common retreat. I have lot of memories from them and yet I crave for more.
Andaman: It was a long time ago when I was in school that classmate once brought a coral back from his holiday. He had gone gone to Andaman. I have heard a lot about the island, 'Kala Pani'. May be it has little to do with the history, location, the idea of it being a separate island altogether and the its natural beauty that I have heard/read so often. Somewhere in the same category even Lakswadeep comes.
Kerala: It is the lush green picture that invites me to it over and over again. I haven't been there althoughI have been planning for I don't know how long. It is the longing for its untouched pristine beaches that I have always heard of. It is the nature ultimately that calls me to it.
Hill stations: I have fascinated by the idea of watching a snowfall always. I got the opportunity when I went to Rohtang two years back. And somehow, snowfall still fascinates me. The idea of making a snowman. Watching the snowflakes may be even catching them. It is told that each snowflske is unique in its crystal formation. I would really like to see that. Think of all the patterns!! Brrrrrrr its cold but its fun too!
Trekking: People look at me and wonder I wouldn't survive a trekking trail. I will tell "at least give me chance" I haven't done much but the ones I did actually surprised a few people and myself too. There is something great about walking the trail of nature, of letting nature lead you. Give me a place that isn't too hot, where sun is not burning me, where the road is natural, where I can look around and express a sense of wonder and amazement, where there are not too many people blocking my view, and I am with someone who can tolerate my constant chatter, trust me, I can walk the way. :)
Cruise: Ok so I have already told that I like the sea. But I have never been in a ship, so I don't know how well I will take it. Well, but I wouldn't know unless I do. So it is one of my 'things-to-do'. However another point to note is I don't know. I also think I would be a bad match for the sea even if I knew, so it hardly matters.
Fishing: It is not just the idea of fishing. It is actually the entire pictue of a place where the river is flowing close by, there are trees which I can try climbing. Sitting beneath one of the shady tree, I am trying my hand on fishing and reading a book. The weather is cool, soft breeze blows, may be I even nod off somewhere in between. And at the end of the day, I can cook a fish that I caught. Now that would be a perfect holiday :)

Crumpled

noreply@blogger.com (Anki) — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 17:21:00 +0000

I cleaned my room for diwali and wrote this...

Crumpled up sheets of paper
A heap of mess, in a corner
Where the dustbin used to be.
They did not make to where they should be.

Some notes, some words written
Some illegible marks of pen
Now faded and worn with time.
They used to be a part of dreams of mine.

A blank sheet kept somwhere
Taken out and spread with care
A pen, some words, a new note
Another piece of rhyme on which to dote

A morning, the sun, a day
The blank sheet, "Today"
Myself, my time, my day
That, which'll be tommorrw, kept away.

I guess time is a recurring theme.

Star Gazing

noreply@blogger.com (Anki) — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 07:32:00 +0000

I probably started star gazing at the age of 5-6 yrs. We were in Tripura then. The evenings used to have some frequent power cuts, and the entire school (It was a JNV) used to sit in the playground. It was during those times that the glittering sky caught my attention (as far as my memory goes). We used to count the stars. :) I was introduced to constellations, two of which remained with me from then - the Big Dip (or the Great Bear) and Orion.

The activity was lost after I left that place, grew up and changed so may places. But sometimes when I walk in the evening or the sky peeps at me, I look for those friends from the past. Orion is the easiest to spot with its belt.

Orion (pronounced /ɒˈraɪən/), a constellation often referred to as The Hunter, is a prominent constellation, one of the largest and perhaps the best-known and most conspicuous in the sky. Its brilliant stars are found on the celestial equator and are visible throughout the world. Its three prominent "belt" stars - three stars of medium brightness in the mid-section of this constellation - make this constellation easy to spot and globally recognized.
Greek mythology has several versions of the history of Orion, the gigantic hunter of primordial times.These end in different versions of his death: He challenged the gods, by claiming that he could kill every wild animal on Earth. Some versions then say Artemis shot him with her arrows; but others say that Artemis or Earth produced a great Scorpion whom he could not defeat and which killed him. The gods raised him and the Scorpion to the skies, as Scorpio/Scorpius [Taken from Wikipedia]

There are times when I am in an unknown place, with no one I know. On such days, when I look up to find Orion, it gives me a sense of familiarity. That how far, I am from home, it is the same sky, the same stars, that comes here as well as there. It gives me feeling that someone is watching over. Even in some unknown place, after all, not all in unknown. :)

Happy Diwali to all of you.
I am not going home this time.

New Look

noreply@blogger.com (Anki) — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 05:36:00 +0000

I changed my blog template yesterday. Those of you who have been here for a long time will probably know that this is my 2nd attempt with this image. The 1st one failed miserably.
So if you think this is looking good (or even bad), do leave a comment.
:)

The "Agent Smith" cycle

noreply@blogger.com (Anki) — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 16:49:00 +0000

Human beings are fascinated by things that are out of ordinary. Things like miracles, extra terrestrial beings, things that can be termed as "odd news", things that we don't want to beileve in - are actually the things that we tend to look for. Likewise we are fascinated by people who are different from us. People who do not share our habits. People who take interest in things that we do not enjoy. The general belief is that we befriend people who are like us, people who can enjoy the same things that we do. I will not disagree to that but what I am talking is about being fascinated.

It is the surprise of finding someone living a life that is different from ours when we thought ours was the only way of living that initiates it all. A general curiosity to know more about the difference is instigated because it is something we cannot explain or understand. It is the unknown that beckons us and we proceed.

With time, however, the fascination fades and after the initial curiosity is quenched, one comes back to reality. It is no more the unknown. We look at things as they are, without the cosmetics of either surprise or interest. It is then that we tend to realise that the paths actually fork. The initial interest changes to irritation and finally to indifference.

We are appalled at the idea of how someone can dislike or like so and so. We mock their enthusiasm for something and reprimand their indifference to something else. Their ideals that we listened with inquisitiveness a few days ago seem like a monotonous blabber and make no sense whatsoever. We never could relate to it, we were just reading. Now the book is over, we don't want to read again. In course of time we try to infuse our ideals in them, our likes, our dislikes, our enthusiasm and our indifference. In short we make them our replicas. Some resist and move on and some give in, lose themselves and stay. Once that is done, we are back on track to seek a new face.

I used to wonder how is it, that the exact same things that once fascinated, were the also the ones that were altered. How is it that the activities that amazed us were also the ones that irritated us!

It was when I saw Agent Smith in Matrix III, that it started to make a little sense. We sought the distinct to alter, not to appreciate. Not to preserve but to destroy. That to find a person who was like us had no novelty in it but to find someone and alter him could be a challenge, even if a small one.

PS: The above case may not be real because, since forces from both sides work, there comes a time when they could cancel each other. It can be called the point of equilibrium. By that time some of the characteristics of both the persons have already changed. One could call this adaptation, adjustment, compromise or the like. In terms of society, such a thing is beneficial and even necessary but in terms of an individual, it is just alteration, plain and simple.

On setting them free

noreply@blogger.com (Anki) — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 13:21:00 +0000

No one can re-live a feeling. One can only remember and assume what it had felt like.
You can remember that fall you had when you started riding a bicycle, that bruise on your elbow, that cut on the knee, the drop of blood trickling from the cut, the stream of tears that washed your face and how you wanted to run home but could not. Why? Because it hurt. How much was the pain? You don't remember, but it made you cry so it must have been a great deal. You wouldn't cry for nothing. That is were assumption works, imagination comes and in our mind we try to reconstruct a feeling that we don't remember. Yet if you had to go through the same situation today, you would not even wince. Worse still you would probably laugh at the whole thing!
Memories trick us. Through them we live those feelings which are nothing but gross exaggerations of reality.

Old feelings are all like old wounds. You don't remember how much it had hurt, likewise you don't remember how deep you had felt.

One such ancient feeling haunts me.. no, 'haunt' will be a wrong, it doesn't frighten me.
So, one such ancient feeling looms over me for no reason. Actually, there is a reason. If it would not have been for the reason, the feeling would have died in some locked corner of my mind. Of course it would have left its traces on the pages of my diary that was noted down in a form of a poem some 2 years back.

So this ancient feeling, it was more than a decade back. The town where I lived had a common big(don't go on the adjectives I use, since they all come from memory) market. Just at the entrance there was this man who used to sell birds. You know, small colourful birds, the sight of which is bound to make you smile. Birds that never got tired of chirping, birds kept in cages, birds that seemed to shout for freedom. I often thought how much would it cost to buy them all. And if my pocket money would be enough to set them free. I never quite got to ask my parents in fear that I would not be able to explain why I wanted to buy and then set them free. So this fancy somehow never made to reality.

I left the town pursued my studies and then landed here.

There is a shop here on the main road where my house is. The same kind. And as I cross it, that feeling comes back or rather the memory of that feeling comes back. And probably memory has magnified that feeling to an extent that I deliberately brood over it now and then. I could put an end to this brooding thing by simply going there, buying them and setting them free. Why spend so much time thinking about it, why write a blog entry on it!

Do you think their wings are clipped? Do you think they will be able to fly? Do think if I set them free, they will come back to that man? Is that not their home? Were they caught or were they bred? Have they ever been in the sky, known the world for which they are meant? If I take them out of their secured cages, do you think they will be able to survive? Having been fed all their life, will they be able to find food for themselves? Will they adapt to the vastness of sky after they limits of the cage? And what about predators? Can they save themselves from them? And if they die after being set free, would you say this life was better than that death? At least they were not dead, or were they?

I do not know or rather I know that I cannot know.

Essence and Essentials

noreply@blogger.com (Anki) — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 14:25:00 +0000

AfterI joined my engineering course, there were times when people told me that I was on the wrong place. Not that I was bad at studies but they thought I would have been better in one other field. Somehow I didnt think it that way. There is always some difference between avocation and vocation. After joining the numerous s/w people I realised that it is not really always what you see. The deeper you probe, the less you seem to understand. Unlike my earlier belief of this place being a creative hub, I came to know how much important it is to know different sources of solutions. Unlike elsewhere (or so I think) when we get in some problem we don't try to be the first one to solve it but hope that somebody else somewhere must have faced the same problem and solved it. (I don't blame anybody. I myself am a part of this) So at some point of time you actually start thinking that if creation is not way to job satisfaction, then what is!
I was jolted back to reality from this thought by a particular conversation today. We don't work for job satisfaction. We work for hike, promotion and then again hike and so on.
That reminded me why I did not pursue my hobby as my career. There were two reasons actually -
1 I was afraid to fail there. A somewhat sensitive area.
2 I didn't want to convert something that I enjoyed to something that was a part of the monotonous everyday life.
Job was never the endpoint. Job was something that would give the independence and means to pursue somehting that I enjoyed. It in itself was never the end.

A Perfect World

noreply@blogger.com (Anki) — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 09:13:00 +0000

Some years back, I realised that the world is not perfect. It isn't something that is worth boasting about because to whom in the world would such a thing be a 'news'. But I also realised that the world is not perfect because it is not supposed be. Imagine a perfect world, all perfect human beings, all perfect events, incidents, situations, solutions. Everything absolutely perfect. Where would that lead to? An absolutely predictable, boring world. We wouldn't have all those small surprises that we never expected. We would be deprived of having any opinion, or disagreements. We won't approve or disapprove anything. We won't have any choices. There will be just one single way and we all will be following that path. How does that sound? A perfect world!
From early childhood onwards we have been a given a picture of a perfect world. All those fairy-godmothers and happy-ever-afters. All that honest endeavour rewarded, and evil greed thwarted.But the world is not actually like that. And there is reason. In our own way we all think of ourselves as the heroes, even when we are visibly acting like the evil villains. We have our own justifications and we believe in them. In a perfect world, the justifications won't be our own.
Moreover, come to think of it, if we are all perfect, what happens to the pursuit of perfectness? We won't get any better, we can only get worse. At least, now there is still hope for this world.

PS: I remember having once written a poem on this particular topic. Long time!

Scared of getting bored?

noreply@blogger.com (Anki) — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 09:04:00 +0000

Once you get out of college, life gets busy. There are so many things to do. We start to get the big picture. Think big. That's what we are always told to do. 'Reaching for the sky','Not limiting ourself', all those stuffs. In the midst of all these things, we forget to live. We forget that the best things are not always big. Sometimes they are small. Sometimes, they are exquisitely sweet and subtle. Sometimes, when we think too big, we cut ourselves off from a host of more meaningful possibilities.
I know we all read all these things in forwards, forward them too, sometimes without even glancing. In a way we have all become so mechanical that we do things without actually thinking or realising wha we are doing. We do it because we have been doing it, we do it because we are expected or supposed to do it, we do it ecause we have been pratising and practice surely maketh us mecahanical even if not perfect.
The other day I was walking home, I found a few more people walking. All of them precisely 'plugged' to their cells or ipods. One of my colleuge, he said "you go home walking? what a waste of time!" . He does too, you know, but he keeps himself busy on the phone so as to not waste that time. I wonder what happened to all those little things that I used to enjoy. I remember having fights with my brother to get the window seat. For simple visual pleasure. Today may be personal audio pleasures have taken preference over that.
Was it not enough that we have managed to isolate ourselves so much in the virtual world that we do so even in the real world? We are all scared of getting bored even if it is for a minute or a few seconds. We have lost patience. We have lost interest in our surroundings. We have lost interest in ourselves. We are all running away from anything and everything that might bring us face to face with us.
It is often said that creativity is but the child of boredom. Not all such creativities are good. But for the ones that are, the risk is worth taking.

Destiny

noreply@blogger.com (Anki) — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 05:27:00 +0000

Where does a story truly begin? In life, there are seldom clear-cut beginnings, those moments when we can, in looking back, say that everything started. Yet there are moments when fate intersects with our daily lives, setting in motion a sequence of events whose outcome we could never have foreseen. - Nicholas Sparks (A bend in the Road)

If you ask me, I never had much of faith in predestined life and all. I mean, if we are all living a life in which everything is already known/destined/guaranteed then it makes us more or less powerless. Doesn't it? I always thought, whatever happens in my life - good, bad or ugly, somewhere at some point of time, I must have been responsible for it. But then again, each of our lives is not isolated. When we are talking about life, we are bound to cross path, intersect in some way. So there is also that part a little of say 20% events where i wasn't as responsible as someone else.

Yet if I look back today I find there has been so many things that took place so long back but are still responsible for something that is relevant today. That 'destiny' seems to be the only word that can explain it. So many things I thought would not affect me, that I wasn't happy with. Those are exactly the reasons for something good today. How do I explain that? It wasn't decision or deliberation. was it then what we call destiny?

I once read somewhere (forgive my memory, I don't remember the context) it is easier to explain life while joining dots backward. I would have never made the picture, had I tried to join the dots forward. In fact I wouldn't have known where to find the next dot. :)

"Lets discuss"

noreply@blogger.com (Anki) — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 09:57:00 +0000

Having more than 16 hours (the rest 8 hours are for my good night's sleep et all) of internet at my disposal certainly took away the charm of some earlier looked-forward-to activities like orkutting, chatting, mailing and aimlessly browsing around. And having just 5-10 intervals for [actual] net-ting in the almost 10 hours duration of the internet access took away the chance of sitting and using the those times for proper blog writing. I thus ended up utilising the the net for reading. So these days the generally spend the internet for finding articles and then reading them.

Today for instance I 'stumbled upon' this particular article: http://www.thestar.com/News/article/297564 and read the following -

Those and other efforts remind one of the story, perhaps apocryphal, of Catherine the Great's request of the German mathematical giant Leonhard Euler to confront atheist French philosopher Denis Diderot with evidence of God. The visiting Euler agreed, and at the meeting, strode forward to proclaim to the innumerate Frenchman: "Sir, (a+bn)/n = x, hence God exists. Reply!"
Diderot was said to be so dumbfounded, he immediately returned to Paris.

Even if we tend to ignore the involvement of God in this particular instace, isn't it true that we all tend to use jargons of our specialization to convince/confuse people who have little knowledge of what we are saying or even tend to have been muted by the jargons of someone else in an area where we seldom tend to go.

If only there was a simpler way. Unfortunately what seems so simple and obvious to us may be quite bewildering to someone else. Give some thought.

Happy weekend.

Some "timing"

noreply@blogger.com (Anki) — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 09:16:00 +0000

Owing to some of my friend's lazy office hours, I came across this particular link
http://www.totebo.com/monkey-kick-off.php.

And on one lazy sunday having nothing better to do I tried a little monkey-kick-off. Initially I was absolutely pathetic! Then I relaised it is all about timing. If you can simply match a little of you timing, you can easily score some 5000 monkey-mts.

It is so relevant, isn't it? The 'perfect timing' thing. People who are involved in sports will agree that it needs the perfect timing to score a goal or a six or that smash. Even if everythign was great little dilly-dallying and you will end up messing it all. Not just sports actually, the other day at lunch, we were discussing about the movie 'Welcome'. Everyone was unhappy about it. And yet it seemed to have attracted a large crowd. One would wonder why. One of us pointed it out - the timing. New year time, nothing else to go to except Welcome or TZP. Some light-minded people would actually end up choosing comedy of Welcome over the seriosness of TZP.

In fact doesn't it matter in almost everythign else in life - that perfect time to enter the GD i always miss that), the perfect time to question or or even answer something, the perfect time to take leave, the perfect time to call someone, the perfect time to propose, the perfect time to leave your job, the perfect time to invest, the perfect time to buy/sell shares, the perfect time to open a business... add some more to the list for eg the perfect time to write a blog(actually there is no such thing, no not for blog :D )

I had been doing some perfect timing things recently. The other day I just found the perfect time to mess up my work. :D

Oh btw in case you have nothing to do on a lazy sunday, try this --> http://www.gamedesign.jp/flash/domino/domino.html

Let me know how you fared. :)

[PS: If you havent watched TZP yet, please do
Btw TZP is Taare Zammen Par - in case you didn't understand]

Another Year - 2008

noreply@blogger.com (Anki) — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 16:40:00 +0000

One of my friends here finds it funny that we make such a hype of New Year Celebrations or for the matter Birthday Celebrations. In fact she gave us strict instructions that after a certain number of years (I forgot the exact number ! :D ) we should cease to give her greetings for new year or her Birthday and instead send her our condolences on growing another year.

It might make sense but forget it! For me, New Year is a time when I look back to see what it had been and then look forward to see what it might be. Of course, it need not be new year to do so but I prefer that because it saves me from the fractional months.

In a way, the past year gave me a lot. If ever there has been a drastic change in my life, this year would be considered first and foremost. I got my first job, left my college, got my first salary... and so many more. There had been things I never anticipated, things I dreaded for my entire life, and things I hoped for. Just too many things to list out.

Now lets see what the next year brings for me!

Happy New Year to all of you.
(Don't ponder on what my friend said. Enjoy every moment you live! )

The Kite runner - some thoughts.

noreply@blogger.com (Anki) — Sun, 16 Dec 2007 16:27:00 +0000

I read "The Kite Runner" today. How did I like it? It is something you cannot dislike. It rings like reality.
Yesterday someone was asking why I prefer fictions to non-fictions. She asked if it is fantasy that I look for, do i try to run away from reality. To tell the truth, I was caught off-guard. It actually is a truth. Books always give me a way to move around in a different world. But I didnt see it as 'running away' atleast not until she said so. It was something I didnt want to agree to. I'd rather have agreed if she had used the word 'escape' and not 'run-away'. I replied that its not fantasy of the fiction that fascinates me, its the creativity of the author, the ability to create characters, world, situations in his book. Yet when I read "The Kite Maker", I felt it ring like reality, no make-believe world there and that fascinated me more.

It is a sad story. So I was told. So I found. But actually it is much more than just a sad story.

Here are aome thoughts that I found in the book.

And that's the thing about people who mean everything they say. They think everyone else does too. [Page - 48]

It is difficult to know which is harder, to think everyone means what they say or to think nobody means what they say. To decide who means and who does not is probably the hardest. Yet this should be the way. Isn't it? How do these people react when they discover the superficial world around them? Do they break down or do they too get drowned. Is it possible to live genuinely when everything around you is superficial? For Hassan it was. He moved away, or rather was moved away, far way and finally farther away. But what happens when moving away is not one of the options? Or may be such people don't exist, are not let to exist.

Quiet is peace. Tranquility. Quiet is turning down the VOLUME knob on life.
Silence is pushing the OFF button. Shutting it down. All of it. [Page - 315]

This gives a new perspective to "silence". I never thought it this way. I may have been wrong. We do sometimes shut down our windows. Pull their shutters down. In some way or the other everyone does that till we need that sunlight again, till we want to feel the wind again. But not forever, not forever. Yet do you think it can happen that we just forget that shutters can be up again?